


Tainted

by MalikRuttingAssassinAss



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Ardat-Yakshi, B.H.I.D virus, Break down, Complete, Friendship, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Infection, Innuendo, Joker being Joker, M/M, Romance, Rutting, Slightly AU - Mordin being alive, Spectre missions, battlefield sex, enviro-suit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-06
Updated: 2013-04-06
Packaged: 2017-12-07 16:06:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/750392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalikRuttingAssassinAss/pseuds/MalikRuttingAssassinAss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As they continued on towards rougher, more intimate things, Shepard noticed something that had never happened before. He felt a sharp burn slowly making its way down the base of his skull and then further down his spine. He felt his motor skills suffering only slightly as his hands fumbled underneath Kaidan’s shoulder-blades and unintentionally claw the skin.</p><p>“St-” Shepard raised his head long enough to see a strange emotion contort the Major’s face. Somewhere between pleasure and pain, Kaidan arched his spine and slammed his hands against Shepard’s chest, effectively pushing the man off.</p><p>Cerberus produce a virus with similar effects to the Ardat-Yakshi gender mutation.. Only for Human biotics.</p><p>More specifically, brown-eyed, Canadian biotics. </p><p>This is the story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tainted

Spectre missions together were the best things Shepard and Kaidan ever decided to do. Investigating the ties between Udina and Cerberus, tracking down informers and snitches, killing off those who tried to sell them information about the Citadel Defences, thinking they were Cerberus or otherwise. Then there were the undercover missions where they were forced to dress in civilian clothing and, so what, Shepard wore civvies all the time, but not Kaidan. And ho-boy, did he wear the nicest denim around that ass.

 

They _did_ get work done, eventually. Assassinations, collecting intel, guiding missions for squads into enemy territory, seeking and destroying both weapons and wrong-doers, it was all pretty heroic stuff on a daily basis. And also the favours civilians asked of them. Tracking down lost relatives, gaining appropriate authority to send an extra supply of this, or to stop production of that, turning small children back towards their parents if they tottered too far away – ok, not really a mission there, but Kaidan went nuts for a child-friendly Shepard.

 

Yeah, it was fun, but not as fun as the _distractions_ along the way.  
  
Though it got serious sometimes, especially when one got hurt, or someone was killed in front of them and they couldn’t do shit to stop it. Shepard would hold that burden heavy on his shoulders, regardless as to who was to blame and Kaidan made sure to snap his Commander out of the cycle of self-hate and pull him back up onto his feet.  
  
Then Shepard would look at the long cut stitched shut over Kaidan’s neck and the cycle would begin all over again, but in silence, in the depths of his own mind.  
  
If Shepard closed his eyes, he could still see the Banshee grabbing his Major by the neck and start to squeeze its talons into the tender flesh and the armour that protected part of his neck. The blood that gushed down and… and… then there was this explosion of red and biotic blue and…  
  
The banshee had gone, as well as everything around them.  
  
Shepard and Kaidan had looked at each other and in that moment they had realised their powers had combined into a devastating blast that had not only wiped out all the Reaper invaders in the area, but also all their shields and burnt their armour into a warped, melted mess.  
  
And Kaidan had laughed, openly as his hand pressed to his bleeding neck. He staggered forward, and then promptly collapsed. Shepard had caught him, lowered him to the ground and started to work hard to stop the blood pouring from the wound.

“Shepard, stop.” He had whispered.  
  
“No!” The Commander snarled. He snatched his medi-gel and sliced it open with his omnitool blade. He wasn’t about to let the Major die, and he didn’t. Shepard had smeared the medi-gel in healthy supply over the wound, then held it shut until the gel had dried and fused together, ceasing all bleeding from it.  
  
Of course, Dr. Chakwas had to do surgery on it, which was after she’d finished reprimanding the Commander for not _cleaning_ the wound before sealing it shut.  
  
Regardless, Kaidan had recovered and for the past three hours, they had been back working together again. Shepard still had the blame-cloud hung over his head for not being able to protect Kaidan, and Kaidan still managed to slide on in with his smile and his pretty eyes and stitched-scar across his neck and make the pain all the more bearable.

 

And his presence helped as they made their way through a Cerberus-Reaper lab where they were trying to turn human biotics into a similar breed of Ardat-Yakshi Asaris. Shepard quivered with anger at the idea, so he had no clue as to how angry the Major was.

 

It was horrible. The Ardat-Yakshi had to suffer a life without the physical love that would produce offspring, but also the rejection of their own race, the Asari, shunned from society for being too dangerous. Having sex would cause irreparable damage to the nervous system of their lover, killing them indefinitely. So they had been hidden away in the Monastery light years away from Thessia, the Asari home planet to live a life of prayer and celibacy.  
  
Shepard knew he’d rather kill himself than either hurt Kaidan or never see his face in orgasmic bliss ever again, that’s all he could say to the situation.  
  
And Cerberus was trying to do a similar thing with Human-biotics, with the Reaper’s help. Shit, if they succeeded with this, it was obvious who their first target would be, what with their personal grudges always high on their pecking order.

 

It was why when he turned at some point whilst studying the journal entries and various datapads around the small laboratory to find Kaidan glaring at a datapad filled with comparative results between the Ardat-Yakshi and whatever unlucky bastard that had been tested on, he decided now was a good time to see if he could offer the man any comfort.

 

He’d approached the man just as he was collecting the data on his omnitool for later analysis, running his gauntleted fingers up the Major’s spine board and nuzzling his helmet against his as a sign of reassurance. The response was slow. Kaidan turned his face once the upload was complete and looked at Shepard through the slightly yellow glass of his helmet, studying him for a good while, before he dropped the datapad he had just picked up from the side and grabbed his Commander by the hips.

 

From there, it was a sort of blur of heavy touches, gropes and gasps, and the sharp sound of a datapad cracking beneath their feet as they tumbled their way to an alcove between two support beams against the wall.  
  
And that’s where Shepard found himself, swearing breathlessly and clawing at Kaidan’s powerful armoured shoulders as his crutch-plate was rutted back against his manhood with dominant and rigorous thrusts. He felt his dick straining painfully against the inside of his armour, and he doubted Kaidan was any different beneath his. So, he grabbed desperately at the clasps of his own crutch guard first, before ripping it free and removing Kaidan’s. They fell to the floor with a resounding clang, but it was muffled as their helmets connected and sharp breaths rattled through the communicators.  
  
A sultry groan erupted from deep within Shepard’s chest as the initial thrusts ground against him. The under-armour, both strong and reliable, had a layer of ‘secondary nerves’ that wired into the skin and allowed the wearer to feel breaches in their armour without necessarily feeling pain. It didn’t, however, severe any ties with pleasure receptors.

“Kaidan..!” He cried into his helmet as the Major shifted and drove himself with more force against Shepard until the rhythmic thumping of armour on armour became a background noise and gave way to breathy groans coming over Shepard’s communicator. With the Major’s sounds echoing around his helmet, he could feel his legs draw up tight around the man’s waist and his stomach muscles tense.  
  
“Shepard, I’m coming.” Kaidan suddenly gasped and grabbed all he could of the armoured backside of his Commander. Shepard couldn’t speak, so he simply threw his head back and answered the Major’s statement with a deep, broken growl as he reached his peak within the confines of his briefs and under-suit. An overwhelming heat leaked around his prick and by the sounds resonating around his helmet, he knew Kaidan was witnessing the same sensation as he came restrained to his suit.  
  
That heat soon became cold and uncomfortable, but they still had intel to collect and a bomb to plant, they couldn’t risk Cerberus continuing this horrific work.  
  
Kaidan slowly stepped back once the daze of post-orgasmic bliss faded around them. He nuzzled Shepard’s neck, before withdrawing completely and kneeling to pick up their crutch plates.  
  
“Damn, Kaidan…” Shepard finally sighed as he not so subtly pulled at the groin of his under-suit to fit his prick back in place. “That was…”  
  
“Frustrating? I wanted to rip everything off you and fuck you blind, but with the air so toxic, I wouldn’t risk doing that to you, at least, not until we’re back in your cabin.”  
  
“No. I enjoyed it, Kaidan. I wouldn’t be so uncomfortable right now if I hadn’t.” Shepard laughed and tightened the straps on his crutch guard, before making eye-contact through their helmets. “But, we have work to do, so let’s get to it. I’ll enjoy watching this place turn to ashes.”  
  
“I’m looking forward the flaming mushroom cloud myself.” Kaidan probably smirked under his helmet. The slight crease to one of his eyes told Shepard at least that.  
  
“Alright, let’s move.”  
  
Kaidan had been right. The mushroom cloud was a pretty magnificent sight to behold as the shuttle flew off at top speed from the damn Cerberus test facility. The blaze that promptly engulfed the lab soon after was pretty pleasing to the eye also. Once the atmospheric leveller light flickered green, both Shepard and Kaidan pulled their helmets off with a soft hiss of escaping air.  
  
“Ugh, man, I need a shower…” Kaidan grumbled to himself as he rocked from side to side to probably relieve some discomfort from the now dried come in his briefs. Shepard couldn’t stop himself from smirking and fitted his helmet under his arm. The other arm lifted up and grasped the over-head handles to keep himself upright as the Shuttle rocked. Kaidan followed his example.

 

“You’re more than welcome to join me in my shower.” The Commander purred. “Not a very big shower, but that makes it twice as fun.”  
  
“I may need a shower, Shepard, but that doesn’t mean I can _have_ one yet.” Kaidan flicked his eyes down towards the horrid stitched gash across his neck. It had barely healed at all in the past week, but with such a nasty wound, Shepard knew it was going to take probably a good year before it was a harmless scar.  
  
“Oh, right. Chakwas still won’t let you get it wet, huh? Then I suppose I’ll have to help you with your sponge bath.” He grinned and reached out, running his fingers down Kaidan’s front before he was grabbing the over-head handle again.  
  
“Not very professional today, are we? Fraternizing whilst on a mission? That’s against at least a dozen regulations, Commander.” Kaidan smirked and dumped his helmet in the cargo netting beside him.  
  
“You initiated it, Major.”  
  
“I suppose I did. It was nice having you work under me like that. The noises you made, huh, I’m ready to hear them again.”  
  
“Is that so?” Shepard growled and pressed himself up close to the higher ranking officer. His fingers, still heavy with gauntlet, brushed over the other man’s cheek, then slid back into soft ebony locks. He watched the silver strands around his temples reflect the dimmed lighting of the Kodiak’s interior, catching Shepard’s attention and drawing out the Major’s self-consciousness.

“Don’t.” He muttered and turned his face away.  
  
“What..? Don’t like being a silver-fox?” Shepard couldn’t help the grin as he looked into the brown eyes filled with embarrassment.  
  
“At 35, no, I don’t like being a silver-fox. But I’m not vain enough to dye it. So I just tolerate it.”  
  
“I like it… a lot.” Shepard breathed and pushed his lips into Kaidan’s. The Major reacted immediately after stumbling back against the wall separating the cockpit from the passenger hold, opening his lips and allowing his Commander to catch his tongue and work it with his own.  
  
Cortez ignored the sound of armour colliding and lips connecting from where he sat in his pilot seat, before he was forced to close the door for the sake of not crashing and to protect the Spectres’ privacy. Not that they were too mindful of it in the first place, given the types of things Cortez had heard over the helmet communicators in the Kodiak.  
  
Kaidan grunted as he was hauled up against the wall and unharmed areas of his neck were kissed with passion. He groaned and squirmed, trying to ignore the pangs of pain from Shepard’s stubble catching on his stitches as the man grew slightly careless with his actions.  
  
“Shepard!” He snapped as the thick collar of the Commander’s armour struck his wound. Shepard immediately withdrew, hands held up to show he meant Kaidan no harm, even if it had already been done.  
  
“Have you got any medi-gel?” The Biotic moaned and his hand moved to clasp his neck.  
  
“Shit, is it bleeding?”  
  
“Heh, yeah…”  
  
“I’m sorry, Kaidan.” Shepard grinned sheepishly, before he brought up his omnitool and activated the medi-gel. He ripped it open and carefully pulled the Major’s hand away so he could get to the torn stitch easier.  
  
“I think it’s a good idea to have this covered with bandages when we go on missions.” Shepard mumbled as he gently smeared the gel onto the steadily bleeding tear. “I know Chakwas said you should ‘air it out’, but not if the air itself is toxic as hell.”  
  
“Yes sir.” Kaidan sighed and tightened his grip on the over-head handle as the medi-gel began to coagulate and harden over the wound. “… Shepard… What we saw down there… The way they were trying to make human versions of Ardat-Yakshi… They would be like Husks, but remaining human. I mean, still very much a person, like an Ardat-Yakshi, but ruined by their own genetics…”  
  
“With the lab blown to bits, I don’t think we have to worry about it. There was such a large concentration of research, and no out-going intel to anywhere but to the Illusive Man. It’s safe to say that was the only lab doing those kinds of experiments.” Shepard said in a soothing tone.  
  
“Yeah, that’s true, but I’ve never seen Cerberus working on something that required so many resources to hurt only one person… This isn’t about protecting humanity anymore, it’s about hitting _you_ where it hurts, and that’s, without sounding big-headed, _me_.” Kaidan shifted and shrugged, eyes darting to the far corner of the Kodiak. “I don’t know… It’s like they can’t see the bigger picture anymore, all they see is you standing in their way, and now they’re making stupid decisions like hurting your friends to hurt you. Does that sound like the Illusive Man to you?”  
  
“The Illusive man put me back together again, he gave me new life and he put a shit ton of money into doing so. I doubt he’d want to put all of that to waste by killing me… but at the same time, it’s not like him at all to do something this personal. There might be someone else to blame for this, like Miranda’s father was to blame for Sanctuary. He had the Illusive Man’s consent, but the Illusive man wasn’t directly involved in such a thing. He wasn’t making the orders, Miranda’s father was.” Shepard shook his head and frowned. “It’s a mess. Hopefully the intel we grabbed will answer some of our questions. We’ll go through it tonight.”  
  
“Sounds like a good idea to me.” Kaidan sighed and lowered his head, blinking his eyes hard. “Damn, I didn’t need any reminder of Sanctuary, that place was hell.”  
  
“Sure was, and Miranda…” Shepard cringed at the very memory of her dying in his arms. He took a deep breath and rolled his shoulders. “If she hadn’t been so secretive, I could have helped her, I could have been there when….”  
  
“John.” Kaidan sighed and wrapped his free arm around the Commander’s waist. “I didn’t know her personally, but, she seemed like a good person, regardless of her ties with Cerberus. From the way Tali spoke about Miranda, the two were pretty similar. You know, with the whole father thing and, in her words; “being a bitch with a fine ass”. She was… rather drunk when I was talking to her.”  
  
Shepard smiled briefly and pressed his forehead against Kaidan’s. He took a deep breath and gave a soft nod to show his thanks for the slight distraction from his turmoil.  
  
“I gotta say though, Shepard, I think your ass is better.”  
  
“Mine?” John chuckled. “I think whoever worked on my ass in Cerberus was a little caught up in the details. My ass was never this firm or sculpted before.”  
  
“I don’t believe I ever got the chance to see you with your-… oh wait…” Kaidan paused, a small smile pulling at his lips. “I think I was so distracted by how disgusting your dance skills were that I kind of forgot you were naked that night on the Citadel.”  
  
“Oooh God.” Shepard cringed. “Yeah, yup, I remember. Not living _that_ down anytime soon.”  
  
The Major smiled softly and pressed a chaste kiss to his Commander’s lips. “It just makes you more human to me…” He whispered.  
  
There was a pause before Shepard closed his eyes and moved back in for another kiss. He deepened it swiftly, arching his head into the kiss so to avoid bumping Kaidan’s stitches again. Kaidan responded, releasing a quiet moan that hit Shepard straight in the south.  
  
“You’re one hell of a soldier, _Major_.” He groaned as his free hand slipped and bumped its way down the Kaidan’s spine board and slid over the rounded plates of his backside. “It’s a _pleasure_ to serve under you.”  
  
“If your flirting wasn’t so bad, I’d be flattered.” Kaidan chuckled openly and shifted on the spot. Shepard felt his hand right in the cleft between the two rear plates and for a moment, his mind short circuited and his mouth went dry.  
  
“But…” Kaidan breathed and now Shepard _really_ couldn’t stop thinking about where his hand was. “For the effort, I’m willing to let you assume control when we get back to the cabin… You… haven’t really tried to take over during our private moments and I thought… maybe… you’d like to be on top, you know?”  
  
Shepard had to force himself to keep breathing after hearing _that_.  
  
“You mean, you’re willing to…”  
  
Kaidan nodded and shifted again, crutch plate grinding softly against Shepard’s.  
  
“I need you tonight, Shepard, to assume control and show me the man who head-butts Krogans and slaughters Thresher Maws as a hobby.”  
  
“I think that’d be considered abuse, Kaidan.”  
  
The Major laughed and stepped away, the moment destroyed in one glorious blow by the Commander.  
  
“Yeah, maybe, but I meant more along the lines of; ‘stop being a bitch and fuck me instead’.” Shepard would be lying if he said Kaidan’s dirty mouth wasn’t a turn on. “Take me, or so God help me, I will call for _back up_.”  
  
Shepard frowned immediately and deliberately clenched his fist hard around Kaidan’s backside, pulling him in hard to straddle one of his thighs.  
  
“I don’t need back up as long as I have you watching my back, Kaidan.” He growled. “I will not share you with anyone else, I already share you with this war, with the Alliance, and that’s enough.”  
  
Kaidan swallowed and gave a swift nod. “I was talking more along the lines of _toys_ , sir.”  
  
“You’re going to give me a God damned heart attack.”  
  
                                                                      

                                                                           ***

 

From the moment they stepped off the elevator, all other existing life forms became obsolete, though Kaidan didn’t fail to notice the quick jab to the Aquarium controls Shepard made to feed his fish. They laughed and ignored the sensation of the husk’s head boring its eyes into them and following them around the room.  
  
“Shepard.” Kaidan purred as his back collided with the Aquarium glass and the breath was kissed from his lungs. He groaned, squirmed and locked his legs around Shepard’s waist, but they were soon moving again and making their bed the place for tonight’s promise.  
  
As they continued on towards rougher, more intimate things, Shepard noticed something that had never happened before. He felt a sharp burn slowly making its way down the base of his skull and then further down his spine. He felt his motor skills suffering only slightly as his hands fumbled underneath Kaidan’s shoulder-blades and unintentionally claw the skin.  
  
“St-” Shepard raised his head long enough to see a strange emotion contort the Major’s face. Somewhere between pleasure and pain, Kaidan arched his spine and slammed his hands against Shepard’s chest, effectively pushing the man off.  
  
“Kaidan?” He gasped, barely managing to stop himself from slumping over like a ragdoll. He felt so floppy and lethargic, like his whole body was made from jelly. His fingertips and toes were burning with the effects of pins and needles. “Kaidan.” He repeated in a firmer tone.  
  
“Pull out.” Kaidan choked.  
  
Shepard didn’t have to be told twice, he simply did as he was told and pulled himself from his lover. The burning down his spine stopped, his pins and needles slowly ebbed away, but the confusion stayed with the Commander, his eyes wide with worry for the Major.  
  
“Kaidan.” He repeated.  
  
The biotic didn’t open his eyes, simply continued to take heaving breaths, a fist squeezed tight over Shepard’s sternum. He didn’t speak, was unable to, Shepard realised.  
  
“Speak to me!” He snapped.  
  
But Kaidan was completely unresponsive towards him. His breaths grew sharper, his other hand strayed to his temple and within seconds a steady stream of blood ran a trail from his left nostril.  
  
Seizure, stroke, embolism, a clot in Kaidan’s brain, many things ran through his head when he saw the first droplets of blood, but it was his body that reacted first.  
  
“EDI!” He shouted towards the bulkhead. “Get Garrus in here now and tell Chakwas to prepare for an emergency treatment, something’s wrong with Kaidan.”  
  
“Yes Commander.”  
  
There was silence as Shepard managed to tear himself away from Kaidan long enough to pull a shirt and pants on and then carefully eased Kaidan back into his Alliance fatigues which had been barely pulled down in the spur of the moment.

 

The doors to his quarters bleeped and opened behind him less than a minute later, followed by familiar footsteps hammering into the room.  
  
“Shepard, what’s wrong? EDI mentioned something about Kaidan.” Garrus blurted. He stopped by the bed and saw how the Major was; blood running off into the pillow, skin pale and crackling lightly with biotics as he writhed with pain.  
  
“I don’t know what’s wrong with him. I need you to help me carry him…”  
  
“To the med-bay?” Garrus leant over and carefully pulled Kaidan up by his shoulders. The man immediately whimpered and tried to squirm out of the Turian’s grip, but Garrus managed to keep a firm hold as Shepard went round to his other side and attempted to lift the biotic from the bed.  
  
All strength left the commander in one single heave. He collapsed against the bed, dropping the Major with him as they both rasped for breath.  
  
“Shepard!” Garrus laid Kaidan back carefully and went to the Commander’s side, but in true Shepard style, the man waved him off.  
  
“Are you alright carrying Kaidan alone? I’ll follow you… Just… fuck…” Shepard lifted himself back to his feet, blinking away the fog over his vision as the blood rushed to his throbbing head. “Kaidan needs help now.”  
  
“You make sure Chakwas or Mordin check you over as well, you understand me Shepard? Punish me for insubordination, but I’m not saying it as a soldier – I’m telling you to do it as a friend.”  
  
“Understood, Garrus.”  
  
“Good… Now, come on, Major.” The Turian slid an arm under Kaidan’s shoulders, the other hooking under the man’s knees and with a soft grunt he lifted him up bridle style and began to head towards the elevator. Shepard followed on slightly unstable feet. He felt dizzy, numb in various areas and over-all quite tired indeed, but he was always tired, and the rest simply went ignored by the Commander as his lover took priority in his books.  
  
By the time the elevator hit the crew deck, the Major had slumped lifelessly in Garrus’ arms and it was only the pulse-point on Kaidan’s wrist Shepard had a firm grip of that reassured him he was indeed still alive. All faces turned their way, a few hurried over to activate the door for them, but it was Tali and Liara who followed them into the Med-bay and insured windows over-looking the mess hall were blacked out.  
  
“Lay him on the bed closest to my desk, Commander.” Chakwas spoke with authority and Shepard knew better than to argue. He looked to Garrus who approached the bed in question and carefully lowered the Major onto it.  
  
“Strange. Biotics are in constant use, no control given to them.” Mordin muttered as he hovered just out of Chakwas’ way. The older woman placed an oxygen mask over Kaidan’s mouth and went to work stabilizing his erratic heart rate.  
  
“Commander, there is something in the docking bay you must see.” EDI chimed in over the med-bay.  
  
“It can wait.” Shepard snapped. He stayed close to Kaidan at the head of the bed, carefully stroking strands of black-to-silver hair backwards from the man’s eyes. He couldn’t make heads or tails from this, it had all happened so fast. One moment they were having sex, the next Kaidan had deteriorated into a writhing, bloodied mess, and Shepard himself had been weakened substantially.  
  
“Commander, what happened exactly?” Chakwas questioned, taking blood from a vein.  
  
“He was fine on the mission and on the return journey. It was only up until a few minutes ago when he began to show signs of deterioration.”  
  
“What exactly was happening at the time of deterioration?” She asked again.  
  
“Is that important?”  
  
“Is Kaidan’s life important?”  
  
Shepard set his jaw tight and sighed through his nose.  
  
“We were … having sex.” John mumbled, hoping he’d said it quiet enough that only Chakwas and possibly Mordin heard.  
  
“Sexual activity. Hm, L2 over-stimulated. Perhaps.”  
  
Shepard almost cringed at how Liara and Tali shifted uncomfortably on the spot. They were probably blushing too, if they had that ability. Garrus just shot him a Turian smirk, mandibles twitching before he was looking away again to Chakwas.  
  
“No, it can’t be the L2, we’ve…” Shepard trailed off, eyes seeking the floor as he shifted on the spot. “This hasn’t happened before during intimacy.”  
  
“Strange. Further tests needed to provide diagnosis. For now, mystery.” Mordin chirped along, hovering over Dr Chakwas as she made her way across Kaidan’s body, checking and testing as she went.  
  
“Commander Shepard, I must insist you come to the Shuttle Bay immediately.” EDI announced again.  
  
“What is it, EDI?” Tali asked.  
  
“It is best if you see it. My body-unit is already waiting for you down here with Lieutenant Vega and Flight Lieutenant Cortez.”  
  
“It sounds serious, Shepard.” Liara whispered fondly, a hand settling on the Commander’s shoulder. “Kaidan is in safe hands with us. I will get EDI to call for you if there are any changes, good or bad.”  
  
Shepard glanced at the Asari, before cringing and tipping his head back. “This _better_ be serious.” He groaned and quickly made his way from the med-bay. The Elevator was waiting for him, doors open and ready to take him down to the shuttle-bay. He all but slammed his fist into the control panel, he didn’t give a shit if EDI told him off for it or not – he wanted to be with Kaidan when he needed him most, but no, responsibilities called him elsewhere. _Kaidan_ was his responsibility too, damn it.  
  
The elevator settled at the lowest floor and the doors separated in front of him. He stormed into the shuttle-bay with as much anger as he had storming into Sanctuary – perhaps that was a bit extreme, but it was true nonetheless.  
  
“Loco, you should see this…” James met him by the weapons bench, giving a swift salute before he was turning to lead the Commander elsewhere.  
  
“I damn hope so, I wouldn’t be down here otherwise.” He ground out gruffly.  
  
The LT didn’t respond, he probably thought his anger was irrational, didn’t even ask what was wrong – as everyone seemed so easy to forget to ask. They usually demanded his help before even thinking to ask if he was OK. Kaidan was the only one who cared enough to ask most of the time, and Kaidan was fighting for his life – and with that thought, Shepard’s heart screamed within his chest.  
  
“Commander.” Cortez nodded.  
  
“Hello Shepard.” EDI smiled stiffly. “If it helps with your stress levels, I am sure the Major will-”  
  
“What is it you wanted to show me?” Shepard interrupted her, not wishing to talk about it in front of the Lieutenants. “I really don’t have time for this.”  
  
“It is your suits of armour, Shepard - both yours and the Major’s, to be exact.”  
  
“What about them?  
  
EDI turned to the armoury locker and typed in a few passwords to gain access to the armour pods. Both Shepard’s and Kaidan’s armour emerged from the locker, in-cased in their protective pods – but something was very wrong this time. Very.  
  
“At first, we thought it was the remains of Banshee on your armours, but then we remembered you were fighting Cerberus on the last mission, there were no Banshee involved, and also that your suits were _clean_ when you returned. It was only when they were put into the pods and de-contaminated that this weird shit started to grow on them.” James explained.  
  
Shepard did nothing but stare at the sets of armour. They were covered in strange tree-root type webs, some pulsed with a biotic blue and others simply throbbed, like whatever was growing over them was alive and very much _eating_ the armour.  
  
Shepard cringed. “I can understand what you mean by ‘banshee remains’ now. It must have been something in the air in the Cerberus lab. They were researching how to change a Human biotic into an Ardat-Yakshi, only human, not Asari……” Shepard lost the words coming from his mouth and felt his knees quiver in weakness.  
  
“My collar… it broke the stitches holding Kaidan’s neck wound together… This… this _thing_ must have…”  
  
“I have made that connection already, Commander. I have picked up on trace amounts of Kaidan’s blood on both yours and his armour. It took no time at all to link this _virus,_ I will call it, and Kaidan’s sudden illness.” EDI announced, settling into perfect parade rest. “I am not clear as to what this _virus_ is just yet, but with your permission, I can access the information you were able to salvage from the Cerberus lab to help identify it.”  
  
“Do it.” Shepard snapped. “And do it quickly.”  
  
“Yes, Shepard.”  
  
“Hey, you mentioned the Major has come down with a ‘sudden illness’. Is he OK?” Cortez asked.  
  
“No. No he’s fucking not.” The Commander turned, running his fingers over his scalp. “Kaidan is fighting for his life – _again_ because of me.”  
  
“This wasn’t your fault, Loco.” James sighed. “It probably would have happened anyway, the virus looks pretty damn invasive to me if it’s destroying your suits.”  
  
“It is your cybernetics alone which protect you from contracting this _virus_ , Shepard.” EDI noted. “Kaidan would have succumbed regardless of the wound being open or closed.”  
  
“Have you finished comparing notes?” Shepard growled.  
  
“Yes. It seems Cerberus released a type of Auto-Immune-Deficiency virus into the air of their lab. Any prisoners who were biotic soon contracted what the scientists involved called B.H.I.D – Biotic Human Immune Deficiency. B.H.I.D are very much like A.I.Ds, but centred around destroying their sexual partner’s immune system, leaving theirs intact. Ardat-Yakshi, but Human-biotics.”  
  
Shepard stood still, staring and swallowing painfully hard to quell his urge to scream in absolute despair.  
  
“Major Alenko seems to have contracted such a disease. I believe there are no cures to such a thing, but… if Dr Solus found a cure for the genophage, the odds are in his favour to find a cure for this also.”  
  
“Kaidan is an Ardat-Yakshi…” Shepard cringed at the very idea, but to know it was coming from his mouth, that he spoke truth – it ripped something inside of him and the steady bleed felt heavy against his heart. So that was what was happening when he felt the fire burning down his spine, it was his nervous system being attacked by Kaidan’s biotics, which were infected with ‘B.H.I.D’. His cybernetics had protected him from lasting damage, but to think Kaidan had come so close to unintentionally killing, or paralyzing him, it was rather frightening.  
  
“Shepard…” Cortez sighed and placed a soothing hand against his arm. “You should get back to the Med-bay. EDI will deal with disposing of the suits of armour and we’ll get started on building you both a new set each.”  
  
“Yeah, Loco, no worries, we’ve got everything covered for you down here.”  
  
“I’ve got another set of armour, don’t worry… Kaidan on the other hand, I want his armour exactly the same… maybe a little more form-hugging.” Shepard smirked softly to himself, before frowning and rubbing his forehead.  
  
“Whatever you want, Loco.” James shrugged. “We’ve still got the measurements from the Major’s last armour, so losing an inch or two from certain areas, you’ll be enjoying the view for years.”  
  
“Pity I can’t do anything with it anymore.” Shepard growled.  
  
“They’ll find a cure, Commander, I’m sure of it.” Cortez gave a soft smile, hoping it to be reassuring, but it made Shepard the opposite.  
  
“Go back to Kaidan.”  
  
He turned and headed back towards the elevator, hands in the pockets of his hoodie. He loathed telling Chakwas and Mordin about the B.H.I.D virus, he knew they would ask him how and why it got into his system and he would have to tell them the truth. He fucked up. Kaidan fucked up, they both just _fucked up_.  
  
“Commander.” Shepard turned to find EDI’s body unit following him into the elevator. “If I may,”  
  
“What is it?”  
  
“I have been processing the remaining data further and it seems there are… side effects.” Shepard didn’t like that, he really _fucking_ didn’t.  
  
“Just tell me, EDI.”  
  
“Ardat-Yakshi are addicted to the act of sex, it seems that trait has been added to the effects of the virus. Amongst other things-”  
  
“For fuck-sake EDI, just tell me!” Shepard snapped, hitting the button for the Crew deck with about as much force as before.  
  
“My apologies, I was thinking of your feelings.” EDI almost looked sheepish. “Sudden acts of rage can occur due to the B.H.I.D virus contending with naturally occurring hormones, causing sudden spikes of testosterone in the Major’s system. His migraines will become more severe as a result of the B.H.I.D virus attacking the L2 implant within the Major’s brain. Fatality is an issue through these side-effects alone.”  
  
“No.” Shepard breathed.  
  
“This is why I feared for your feelings, Commander. I know the Major means a lot to you, as he does to everyone on this ship… Let us hope Dr Solus and Dr Chakwas can find a cure, but if not, that his disease is managed in a way that makes living comfortable for the Major.” EDI stood aside, letting the Commander walk out of the elevator first when they arrived on the Crew deck.  
  
Shepard gave a swift nod, heading directly for the med-bay.  
  
Crew lingered around the mess hall, worriedly glancing at the Commander as he strode past. He didn’t look at them when they saluted, he didn’t have the space to think about anything else but _fuck Kaidan’s going to die because of me._  
  
“Shepard.” Liara started as the doors slid open.  
  
“What’s his condition?” He demanded.  
  
“Stable. His heart-rate has returned to normal, but his temperature is still too high. And there’s definitely something in his blood that _shouldn’t be there._ And I’m not talking about eezo or carbon monoxide. It looks alive, like a virus… but… I’ve never seen something like it before.”  
  
Shepard watched EDI approach the microscope sitting on Chakwas’ desk and studied the blood sample under it. She was probably comparing what she saw with her notes. She eventually stepped back and turned to Dr Chakwas.  
  
“It’s called B.H.I.D – Biotic Human Immune Deficiency – a kind of AIDS that attacks the sufferer’s sexual partner during intimacy.” EDI stood beside the two Doctors and continued to relay the information she had told the Commander. Shepard didn’t want to hear it all again – hear how real it all was, but he didn’t have a choice.  
  
“Goddess…” Liara breathed, her voice wavering slightly. “A human Ardat-Yakshi…”  
  
“Precisely. Traits match-up between the B.H.I.D virus and Ardat-Yakshi genetic mutation. Except, B.H.I.D _is a virus._ Should be treatable. Later. Must get to work.” And then the Salarian doctor had spun round and absorbed himself into his testing, muttering quietly with the odd hum of a tune.  
  
Shepard hadn’t looked at Mordin, he had simply been staring at his unconscious lover, lip bitten raw between his teeth, but he had heard him. He hadn’t noticed the silence in the room, though, not until a few minutes of the silence had lapsed. He tore his gaze from the Major and looked over to the three women standing at the end of the bed. They were staring at him.  
  
“I’ll be fine…” He replied to the silent question in the air. “It’s Kaidan we should be worried about.”  
  
“When Kaidan’s not fine, you’re not fine, Shepard.” Tali probably smiled, he could hear it in her voice. “You two have been together in this for too long now, there’s no way Kaidan will let you finish this alone.”  
  
“It’s true, Shepard.” Liara placed a hand against the small of the Commander’s back, soothing. Shepard shook his head, fingers clawing slightly at the bed frame before he felt his knees shake and give way. He didn’t even feel the jarring impact of his knees hitting the cold metal tiles of the med-bay floor, he just felt the deep emptiness of something being ripped from his chest and thrown out the air-lock.

 

“Would you like some time alone with him?” Chakwas was knelt next to him. He finally felt the sympathetic hands of his crew against him, making sure he was alright when _damn it – Kaidan was the one probably dying._  
  
“No.” He grumbled. “Liara, I want you to work with Dr Chakwas, you know more about the Ardat-Yakshi than any of us. Mordin will continue searching for a cure. EDI, assist in keeping Kaidan stable… I… I need to inform the Admirals of this.”  
  
“Yes, Commander.”  
  
  
                                                                          ***

 

“Those bastards!” Hackett snapped, punching something out of the vid-coms signal.  
  
“I can’t believe this. Cerberus was working so hard, using so many resources to…” Anderson just shook his head, popping off his hat to rub at his scalp. “…Just to get at Major Alenko.”  
  
“They were probably hoping that by using this virus, it would kill both myself and Major Alenko without tying it to Cerberus… They still want the people’s support, regardless of how little they have left. Shooting the saviour of the galaxy and his partner in the head would look bad to anyone.” Shepard shifted, linking his hands behind his back. “They almost succeeded, if it wasn’t for the Major realising something was wrong and stopping our… coupling.”  
  
“And you had no idea what was happening at the time?” Hackett grumbled.  
  
“No. I was a bit too lost in the moment to give a damn, to be honest, sir. Thinking back on it, I should have realised what was happening. There was a steady burn down my spine, my motor skills became clumsy and my strength sapped. The Major pushed me off before it could cause any lasting damage.”  
  
“I see.”  
  
“The Major is stable for now and Dr Solus is currently testing for a cure, but… if he can’t recover from this…”  
  
“He can work on the Crucible.” Anderson suggested.  
  
“No. From what EDI has told me, he would be too much of a risk to be anywhere outside this ship... Liara now must wear a mask at all times and avoid any contact with the Major. My Cybernetics protect me, but any biotic-personnel would be in great danger.” Shepard scowled at the vid-com control panel, wishing it to just combust so he could end the call and go back to pretending everything and everyone was just fine.  
  
“So, what are you planning to do with him, Shepard?” Anderson asked.  
  
“We’re having a protective enviro-suit made for him. It’ll be a second skin, much like Tali’s, but…” Shepard sighed hard, dropping his head forward. “I’m sorry, I just-”  
  
“Don’t apologise, Commander, we understand how difficult this must be for you and your crew. But don’t let this take over from your duties, we still need both you and your crew as much as ever… Perhaps there’s some way to control the side-effects Major Alenko will witness and then he can return to active duty?” Hackett shrugged.  
  
“Maybe. We’ll continue to work on it, now that you’re aware of the situation.”  
  
“Yes, thank you, Commander. Hackett out.” And with that, the elderly gentleman was gone. Shepard cringed and glanced at the holographic image of Admiral Anderson. He shifted uncomfortably, waiting for the man to sign off the vid-com, but he didn’t.  
  
“Sir?” Shepard blinked.  
  
“Shepard, you’re a good man, a good soldier, you and the Major were brothers in arms, but so much more than that now. I know you will make the right decision for him, I trust your judgement. Anderson out.” With a quick salute, the Admiral was gone.  
  
“Thank you, sir.” He said to the empty space. He closed his eyes, bringing his fingers to the bridge of his nose before he was turning and heading off towards the crew deck again.  
  
“Shepard, I just thought I’d let you know-” A voice muttered to him, but it swiftly cut off. “Spirits, Shepard, you look like shit.”  
  
“Feel like it too…” He glanced at the Turian by the doors of the med-bay and came to a stop. “What was it you needed to tell me?”  
  
“Kaidan’s awake. We didn’t want to disturb your vid-call so we decided to wait until you were here… I think its best coming from you. We haven’t told Kaidan anything yet.” Garrus gestured towards the med-bay. “He’s waiting for you.”  
  
“Alright…” Shepard inhaled deeply, rolling back his shoulders. “Shit…”  
  
Garrus stood aside and activated the doors, letting the Commander walk past into the med-bay. Tali and Liara turned their heads from their conversation with the Major, which had come to a halt at Shepard’s entry.  
  
“Hey, Shepard.” Kaidan sighed. “I’m just making small talk with these two lovely ladies. If you’re willing to tell me what the hell is going on, then please feel free to interrupt.”  
  
“How much do you remember exactly, Kaidan?” Shepard asked.  
  
“Not much. I mean, nothing that wouldn’t be an embarrassing thing to describe out loud-”  
  
“Shall we say you two were simply ‘bonding’ to avoid awkwardness?” Liara suggested. The look on Kaidan’s face wasn’t even remotely happy knowing that Liara knew about his business. And with the stiffness of Tali’s posture, she probably knew too, but was avoiding thinking about it fiercely.  
  
“Sure…” Kaidan eventually grumbled. “We were ‘bonding’, you know, then… then I remember you struggling to even hold yourself up and… I don’t know… It felt like my biotics were building up within me, like I was ready to release a biotic blast and I wanted you to get away. The feeling of it… man, it was something crazy.”  
  
“So, you didn’t know what was happening..?” Tali reached and brushed a stray strand of Kaidan’s hair back into place. “Keelah, that sounds terrifying. Being intimate with someone, then to lose control of your powers – I hope that was all it was.”  
  
Shepard lowered his head.  
  
“John, what’s wrong?” Kaidan blinked and shifted further up in his bed. “Is there something else, are you alright? I didn’t hurt you did I?”  
  
“No, of course you didn’t…” Shepard moved over to the bed and stood in perfect parade rest. It was time to be professional. If he allowed his emotions to claim him now, it would only stress Kaidan out more. It was curable Shepard had to believe that, he also had to make Kaidan believe it also.  
  
“John, you’re scaring the shit out of me.” The Major said in a breathy chuckle.  
  
“Kaidan, you have contracted the virus B.H.I.D. – Biotic Human Immune Deficiency. It is what the Cerberus scientists called the ‘Human Ardat-Yakshi virus.’ The tear on the stitches of your neck, caused by my collar whilst on the shuttle back to the Normandy allowed the virus into your body faster, but regardless of that, it would have invaded your body anyway. Our suits of armour are currently being destroyed by the virus down in the shuttle bay.” Shepard took a deep breath, but didn’t look at Kaidan yet, or anyone, he just stared straight ahead of him, knowing that if he glanced at Kaidan, his heart would separate down the middle.  
  
“Most side-effects consist of wild fluctuations of hormones, such as testosterone. But also interference with your L2 implant. Your migraines will get worse and it is possible you may die as a result. Sexual intercourse will become addictive, but you are banned from it due to the irreversible damage it will cause your partner. It will destroy their nervous systems, much like Ardat-Yakshi do to their sexual partners. Any other side-effects are pending until you display them. An enviro-suit will be constructed for you to keep both you and the crew safe from this virus until we find a cure, Mordin is working on the cure as we speak and Cortez is designing your enviro-suit.”  
  
“Shepard…” Kaidan breathed.  
  
“You will not be assigned any missions until I am sure of your mental and physical stability. But, for the time being, I want you to join Joker as co-pilot of the Normandy whilst EDI takes your place on field-missions, is this understood?”  
  
“Yes, Commander...” The Major swallowed.  
  
“Liara, I want you to go de-contaminate yourself immediately.”  
  
“Yes Commander.” The Asari replied and swiftly left the room, though she glanced back at Kaidan as if she wanted to apologise – but for what?  
  
“Tali, I want you to make sure Kaidan adjusts to his enviro-suit once it has been produced, which should be by the end of the day-cycle. It will be similar to your enviro-suit, except obviously tailored to a human male – a second skin.”  
  
“Yes Commander.” Tali responded, giving a light nod.  
  
“Doctor Solus and Doctor Chakwas are already working to find a cure. I expect swift results, but in the event a cure is not-possible, then maintenance of your disease will be the next stage.”  
  
“Shepard.”  
  
“Do you have any questions..?” The Commander still refrained from looking at the biotic, he couldn’t bring himself to. He avoided looking at Chakwas or Tali or Mordin, or even EDI with her passive, emotionless features, but he knew if he looked at Kaidan, he’d fall to pieces.  
  
“Will you be OK?”  
  
Shepard wasn’t prepared for that question.  
  
The Major was probably dying, probably in pain, definitely confused and frightened, but all he was concerned about was if Shepard was coping with it or not.  
  
He shook his head, knowing Kaidan wouldn’t appreciate being lied to.  
  
“No, I’m really not. If I lose you…” His eyes found Kaidan’s and suddenly it was like someone had ripped off Santa Clause’s beard and the illusion was gone. He worried his lips, eyes stinging with excess moisture and before he was able to control himself, he was grabbing the Major and holding him for dear life.  
  
“Shepard, I know it’s hard, but you need to remain top of your game for the sake of the Galaxy… You know this, so don’t start letting things slide.”  
  
“Kaidan…” The Commander growled. “This isn’t goodbye, so stop making it sound like it.”  
  
“Oh, I’m not leaving anytime soon, don’t you worry about that.” Kaidan chuckled. “But I’ll be here for you no matter what may happen, to me or otherwise…”  
  
Shepard tightened his grip briefly, before slowly letting go and kissing Kaidan on the lips. “When I find the Illusive man, I’m going to cut his neck open ear-to-ear and watch him choke and drown on his own blood.” He whispered to his lover.  
  
“Make sure you get it on vid, I want to watch that bastard suffering for Sanctuary.”

 

“He’ll suffer for more than that.” Shepard hissed.  
  
Kaidan closed his eyes and gave the Commander another chaste kiss, their foreheads pressing together in the process. He smiled, though inside he felt the turmoil of needing to be strong and wanting to fall apart and scream at the same time. He couldn’t do anything but reassure Shepard, he was the one who needed to save the Galaxy after all, it wasn’t up to himself.  
  
“Get some rest.” Shepard murmured and slowly pulled himself away.  
  
“Yeah, that’s not going to happen.” Kaidan chuckled. “You kinda throw a death sentence on me and expect me to sleep? Yeah, no.”  
  
“Kaidan, I…” Shepard didn’t know what to say to that. He watched the Major, saw how he shifted beneath his sheets and looked away, obviously uncomfortable.  
  
“It’s alright, Shepard. I’ve been sick before, and I like your idea to be co-pilot to the Normandy, it’ll be just like the old days, huh?” Kaidan smiled. “I haven’t just sat on my ass to work for such a long time, it’ll be strange, but I’ll get used to it.”  
  
“Joker is a fine example of one whom ‘sits on their ass to work’.” EDI announced. “He does nothing but.”  
  
“Yeah. And like you said, Shepard, if we can’t find a cure, then we’ll manage the disease by treating the symptoms. After fighting this damn hard, I’m not about to go down from a Cerberus manufactured virus. I want to at least go down in the explosion that takes out all the Reaper fuckers.”  
  
“Kaidan, please shut up.” Shepard sighed tensely. “No one is dying here…”  
  
“I’m simply being realistic.” The Major shrugged and shifted again, grunting softly. “Do I have to stay in this bed, I feel OK now…”  
  
“Sorry, they’re more ‘medical benches’ than beds.” Dr Chakwas muttered from her desk where she seemed hard at work doing something medicine-related, Shepard hoped. “You can’t leave until you have been properly fitted in your enviro-suit. Also, the ship is being de-contaminated of the virus, so it’s best if you stayed here.  
  
“Right, understood.”  
  
“Kaidan…” The Major looked up to the Commander still beside him and smiled as best he could when his head was filled with thoughts of death and suffering – his own, mostly. “I love you.” Shepard whispered, pressing his forehead to the Major’s.  
  
Kaidan wasn’t prepared for those words. He opened his eyes wide, staring up at the man holding him so tightly and kissed his lips once. “I love you t-” He couldn’t finish. He slammed his eyes shut and grit his teeth against the tears suddenly flooding his eyes and pouring down his face. He was stronger than this, yet he was crying like a child with no Christmas presents, or indeed like a man with a death sentence. He felt those strong hands leave his face and find his sides, pulling him into a comforting hold where they refused to let go, and Kaidan was glad they didn’t.  
  
“I’m sorry I brought this upon you, Shepard.” Kaidan choked. “I was careless on the mission. I shouldn’t have removed my helmet, I should have left straight after we found out what the lab was doing – and now I am a liability because of my own idiocy!”  
  
“The air itself was infected with the B.H.I.D virus. You weren’t to know what was being researched and developed on the planet, it was an unknown Cerberus lab facility after all. It is a series of unfortunate events where no one is truly to blame, except Cerberus, of course.” EDI took a cautious step closer and placed a stoic hand against the major’s knee. “Do not cry. It disturbs my synthetic sense of empathy for organics.”  
  
Kaidan hated how he chuckled even as he rubbed the tears from his eyes. He wanted to be alone, to scream, swear and fight his way through the contradicting maze of emotions currently kicking up a hell of a migraine in his head.  
  
“Sorry, EDI,” He said instead. “It’s not every day you get diagnosed with a man-made disease for no good reason.”  
  
“I’ll take care of you…” Shepard whispered. “If you’ll let me, that is…”  
  
“Heh, by the sounds of it, I’m going to need all the help I can get.”  


                                                                           ***  
  
Over the next week, Kaidan adjusted to life inside an enviro-suit. He wanted to complain so much about how the helmet made him feel claustrophobic and partially deaf and shut out from conversations and the ‘second skin’ design irritated him in a few choice places, causing uncomfortable chaffing at every crevice, but how could he when Tali was restrained to the same hell?  
  
“How are you today?” She asked as he sat for the third portion of liquefied food rations that day.  
  
“Great.” He mumbled with not nearly enough cheerfulness as he’d hoped.  
  
“Anything I can help with?” She watched as Kaidan carefully placed the straw through his induction port and drank down the contents of the large plastic jug. He shook his head, then swore when the straw slipped free of both his mouth and the induction port.  
  
“Not unless you know how to deal with painful chaffing in equally painful areas without killing every biotic on the ship..?”  
  
“Aren’t you wearing underwear?” Tali chuckled.  
  
“I would, but whenever I do they ride so far up my ass I need an evac-team just to get them out again.”  
  
The Quarian opposite him almost choked on her own liquid rations, withdrawing from the straw to laugh openly. Kaidan smiled beneath his helmet, lowering his head to watch how Tali absently mopped up the droplets of drink that had flicked off her straw from the table.  
  
“That suit certainly is very… form-hugging.” She smiled around the words, gesturing towards Kaidan’s suit. “It complements the natural perfection of your biotic butt.”  
  
“Are you drunk?” Kaidan spluttered.  
  
“No. I’m simply paying you a compliment, Major.” She was definitely grinning, Kaidan could hear it. “But….” The grin was gone, now it was simple passiveness. “How are you, really?” She reached over, grasping Kaidan’s fore-arm in her uniquely Quarian shaped hand.  
  
“How am I?” Kaidan sighed as he shook his head. “Speaking professionally, I’m dying to get back out on the field. Speaking freely, I’m just dying, full stop.”  
  
“Don’t say such things.” Tali snapped. “They’re working on a cure, you simply have to be patient. The cure for the genophage didn’t happen in a day, and that’s an extremely complicated genetic-mutation virus. I don’t see how your virus is any different. This virus is _alive_ and anything alive can theoretically be killed. You have to remember that.”  
  
“Yeah, and theoretically speaking, this virus is going to kill me before we can kill it.” Kaidan held up his hands, sighing steadily. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be talking to you about this it’s not fair on you. You’ve been assigned to help me adjust to the suit, not hear my problems.”  
  
“I was assigned, true, but you’re my friend, Kaidan. I would have helped regardless of Commander Shepard’s orders. I can be your shoulder when Shepard is away, you know?”  
  
The Major nodded, smiling beneath his helmet and he wondered, briefly, if Tali could see him smile. He looked up at her, saw those eerie glowing violet eyes staring back and decided that, yeah, she could probably see it.  
  
“Speaking of Shepard, what was his reaction when he saw you strutting around in that enviro-suit? Seriously, Kaidan, you look like a God in that thing – I think Cortez got a bit carried away with the details.”  
  
Kaidan blushed beneath his helmet and shifted in his seat.  
  
“Shepard’s reaction..? I don’t know… I haven’t really spoken to him, and sleeping in the same bed at the moment isn’t… I mean…” Kaidan sighed harshly and shoved himself back in his chair, hands sweeping over his helmet. “What I’m trying to say is… I’m trying to distance myself so Shepard doesn’t have to worry so much… And if the worse happens, at least the distance I put between us will make it easier and quicker for him to recover. The galaxy still needs him.”  
  
“That’s ridiculous.” Tali shouted suddenly. “And what about what Shepard needs? He needs _you_! You mean a lot to everyone on this ship, Kaidan, you can’t just give up and wait for death – we’re all fighting for you, pull your own damn weight too, Keelah!”  
  
“I can’t even touch my own lover without fearing I’ll snap his brain-stem!” Kaidan sucked a deep breath and lifted his hands, calming himself before he allowed his anger to get the better of him. “Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean to shout… But… You and Garrus, how do you two… I mean, you two are a couple, how are you able to…”  
  
“Carefully and with my suit still on.” Tali responded as if she was speaking about the weather. “He wears a special condom made especially for Quarians and I have a… er… there’s an opening in my suit down _there._ ”  
  
“Oh…” Kaidan cleared his throat. “Sorry to ask something so personal, it’s just Shepard and I haven’t… not since diagnosis… And of course I don’t want to risk anything-”  
  
“Your circumstances are a lot different than my own. There’s no real chance of me accidently killing Garrus during sex, and if something happens, the worst outcome will be a fever for a few days for me… Not complete destruction of my nervous system…” Tali sighed. “I suppose, what I’m saying is… don’t risk it. Try some over-clothes things. Liara told me that an Ardat-Yakshi has to be physically joined with their partner to cause damage…”  
  
“There’s no other way for the virus to attack without being inside your partner, or your partner being inside you.” Kaidan cringed. “I just… I don’t know… I don’t feel human anymore. I feel like a freak, even more so than usual… Shepard treats me like I’m a withered leaf, ready to crumble in the palm of his hand, but I’m not. I’m still Major Kaidan Alenko, second-human Spectre ever, and I’m still very much the man Shepard wanted to be with… Maybe he’s having second thoughts because of this fucking virus…”  
  
“Stop thinking that way. He’s working his butt off trying to get you better, and I bet if you simply spoke to him, instead of this stupid distancing crap, you’d realise just how much he loves you and wants you… Perhaps try the over-the-clothes action…” Tali sounded like she was smirking. “I hear he’s in the Engine room helping Adam’s install the new temperature-control pipes.”  
  
“Do you and Garrus kiss?” Kaidan muttered even as he leant forward to drain the last of his lunch.  
  
“No, we nuzzle. Anyway, have you ever seen a Turian kiss?”  
  
“No?”  
  
“Me neither.” Tali chuckled. “Now, go find your Commander.”  
  
“Yes Ma’am.”  
  
  
Shepard didn’t turn at the sound of one of the two entry doors opening to the Core reactor room, he was too busy stuck in the bulk-head, using the welding device of his omnitool to safely install the new cooling system to the drive-core. Adams was elsewhere, closer to the core and hammering something into place, so he didn’t hear the approaching footsteps until a firm hand settled in the space between his shoulder-blades.  
  
“Commander?” Shepard didn’t realise he’d tensed at the touch until he felt himself relax. He spun round, tugging softly on the newly welded pipe to be sure of its strength before he was pulling free of the bulk-head.  
  
“Kaidan, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” He smiled, wiping his greasy hands off on a rag. “And how are you feeling today..?”  
  
“That’s… kind of what I need to talk to you about, Shepard.” Kaidan shifted on the spot, moving his hand to brush his fingers through his hair before realising he was still wearing the helmet. “I um… Are you busy right now?”

 

“Adams!” Shepard called over to the Engineer. “I’ve connected the pipes to the extractor, will you be alright to finish alone?”  
  
“Yes sir!” Came the reply.  
  
“What is it you need?” Shepard asked as he escorted the biotic from the engine room. As soon as the doors slid shut behind him, Kaidan grabbed the Commander by the arm and swiftly led the man down the stairs to the lower level of the Engine room, widely referred to as the ‘storage area’.  
  
“Kaidan, what are you- umph!” Shepard groaned as his back met the wall most hidden from the two sets of stairs. “Are you sure?”  
  
“As long as you are not in me, or I’m not in you, it should be fine. I do _really need you_ , though, Shepard.” Kaidan breathed, pressing the smooth glass of his helmet against the Commander’s forehead. “The things I want to do to you…”  
  
Shepard tipped his head back, tongue flicking out to lick across the glass of the helmet and Kaidan felt himself harden beneath his suit. At least Cortez took _this_ sort of activity into consideration when he designed the suit. His penis went unburdened once he’d popped off the crutch-plate and all at once he realised his role would be to pleasure Shepard. He couldn’t feel much through the protective fabric of his own suit, and getting his cock out to grind against Shepard’s may have been dangerous, so he quelled it and instead fished his hand into Shepard’s open fatigues and began to stroke roughly.  
  
“Kaidan.” The Commander choked and widened his legs as Kaidan lifted him around his waist and continued the hand-job. “Get on the floor.” He gasped suddenly.  
  
The Major shifted, giving a swift nod before he was allowing the Commander to stand again. Slowly, he lowered himself, eyeing Shepard from where he lay, propped up on his elbows and watching the man expectantly, as if waiting for an order.  
  
“We both need this…” Shepard whispered, sinking down onto his knees to straddle the Major’s hips. “I want you to come just as much.”  
  
“Shepard.” Kaidan breathed tight as a sharp rut downwards sent delicious pressure racing over his confined cock. “That feels…”  
  
“Damn, Kaidan, you don’t know how much I want you inside me.”  
  
The Commander’s dirty talk hit Kaidan straight in the balls and he arched up, panting and bucking into the rolling hips grinding against his cock.  
  
“I can’t.” The Major whimpered. “Jesus, we need to get a dildo each.”  
  
The feral growl that ripped free of Shepard’s chest was dripping with lust and want. Kaidan grabbed his commanding officer tight and brought his hips hard against Shepard’s backside. John jolted forward at each jarring impact, gasping and writhing in the Major’s lap as the man grabbed his cock and stroked roughly without being clumsy.  
  
“Don’t come in your enviro-suit.”  
  
“It’s safer for you if I do, Shepard.” Kaidan moaned, neck craning at the constant pounding against his prick. “I’ll clean myself in a minute, I just need to~”  
  
“Come for me, then…” Shepard groaned and bucked into the hand around his dick tightening vastly. He cursed, feeling his body give out to the pleasure as he lowered down and kissed the glass of Kaidan’s helmet, hands clutching his neck. Kaidan found himself unable to look away from the sight, but did cave into leaning up and sharing the kiss with Shepard through the glass. His eyes squeezed shut, his tongue lapping at the warmed spot of glass the Commander was creating.  
  
His body screamed to be touched, but he wouldn’t risk hurting Shepard, he couldn’t destroy the man’s nervous system for the sake of his own pleasures, but the urge was there, and that urge frightened him somewhat.

 

Suddenly he felt the thrusts against his lap falter, the Commander’s breath hitch and quiver and before Kaidan could force himself to hold the man steady with his free hand, Shepard had released a tight, restrained moan of bliss. Warmth spread over Kaidan’s fingers and without much warning, Shepard had grabbed his hand and began to lick the come from the material.  
  
“That has _got_ to taste like shit.” Kaidan whispered, eyes fixed intently on the pink tongue between his fingers.  
  
“Yours tastes better, I’ll admit.” Shepard chuckled. “Did you finish..?”  
  
 _No, I didn’t, Shepard, do you really think I can?_  
  
“Hell yeah, I did.” He laughed breathlessly.  
  
 _I’m not going to risk hurting you, I won’t climax for the rest of my life if that’s what it takes.  
  
_ “I think we both needed that. A little stress relief in this mess… what did you call it on the Citadel? Insanity block?”  
  
“Sanity check.” Kaidan chuckled. “I better get back to the pilot seat if you are planning to go on a mission.”  
  
“Alright, clean up first, though. And I want you to use my shower in my quarters. I’ll use the public one…” Shepard noted the subtle turn of Kaidan’s head and could bet, if he could see through the glass, that Kaidan was looking away, scowling at the very thought of being treated different. “Kaidan, it’ll keep the virus under control, you know it’s not about anything else…”  
  
“Yeah, I know, I just…. I know.”  
  
Kaidan stood once Shepard had kindly removed himself from his lap and strapped on his crutch plate again.  
  
“I’ll see you in the pilot–bay in 15 minutes.” Shepard announced and left the scene in that ever-professional strut.  
  
Kaidan would have followed, but instead, he hung his head and slowly slid down the wall to collect his thoughts. He never felt so empty before, he didn’t feel human at all. He was just ‘the infected one’ and he’d seen how people avoided him even with the enviro-suit on.  
  
 _Jesus, it’s contagious to biotics and I won’t do you any harm unless I shove myself balls deep in you – quit making me out to be some freak._  
  
He stood slowly, teeth grit over the urge to scream at the silence around him. This wasn’t fair, it wasn’t fucking fair at all!  
  
He left, seething and tense all over as more and more irrational thoughts flooded his brain.  


                                                                             ***  
  
“Hey, Major.” Joker smiled as the biotic slid into the co-pilot seat. “Man, I just got hit with a wall of deja-vu.”  
  
“No kidding.” Kaidan grumbled.  
  
“Yeah, you and I at the helm of the Normandy again, just like old times! Except last time you weren’t decked up in power-rangers gear.”  
  
The Major smiled, shaking his head.  
  
“Actually, I prefer you in that suit. I’m not gay or anything, but damn, Kaidan.”  
  
The smile became a chuckle as Kaidan lent forward and began to check through the statistics of this Normandy. He wanted to make sure any changes he made to the handling of the Normandy would be for the better so he had to research just what the Normandy could and couldn’t do.  
  
“Two cripples at the controls of the best ship in the Galaxy. That totally sounds like a shitty Blasto spin-off.” The pilot paused, smelling at the air. “Did you take a shower or something?”  
  
“Yeah.” Kaidan muttered.  
  
“In your suit?”  
  
“Both in and out of it, yeah…Then put some powder in a few choice places.”  
  
“Oh man, with that suit so figure-hugging, I bet it gets pretty tight in there.” Joker laughed. “The lining on the inside of the suit is just new, you’ll work the stiffness out of it soon enough – just like a new set of Alliance fatigues. Speaking of the Alliance, I think it’s pretty cool Cortez gave your suit subtle Alliance tags. Like those white strips and the yellow alliance logos and the slightly blue tinge.”  
  
“What are you, the fashion police?” Kaidan smirked.  
  
“Fuck yeah, you seen Diana Allers’ dress? So 2160. And EDI doesn’t look that good by accident.”  
  
The Major barked out in laughter and pressed a hand to his stomach.  
  
“So you’re adjusting to the suit?”  
  
“Slowly.” Kaidan responded. “It’s been good having Tali with me. She’s the only one who understands… she… treats me like nothing’s happened, whereas other crew members avoid me like I’m death itself.”  
  
“They avoided you even before you were infected, Kaidan. I mean, if you were a Lieutenant, or a basic soldier and Major _fucking_ Alenko was on the ship, badass biotic, faithful Paragon, second ever Human-Spectre, Virmire survivor and lover of the almighty Commander Shepard, what would you be doing?”  
  
“Staying out of his way…” Kaidan whispered.  
  
“Exactly, you don’t want to piss either him or the Commander off, or look like a blubbering little fan-boy, so you keep a respectful distance. I used to be that way with Anderson until I realised the guy was… well, just a guy…” Joker looked over from his controls and sighed, hand dropping into his lap. “I shouldn’t have to tell you this, you usually couldn’t give a fuck about anyone’s opinion.”  
  
“Usually, I’m not left alone to think so much.” Kaidan huffed.  
  
Joker stared at the Major, obviously thinking a few things through before he was speaking again.  
  
“I guess I can’t skirt around the question anymore, Kaidan. Are you OK?”  
  
“No.” The Major growled. “I’m not OK at all.”  
  
“You feel like elaborating on that?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Kaidan, I’m not asking you because I’m being polite, I’m actually worried, we all are. Shepard would be ripping his hair out if he hadn’t buzz-cut it… And you don’t seem to be taking it so well either…”

  
“How can I?” Kaidan snapped. “I’m going to die of a fucking disease- no, sorry – a _virus_ , and if that doesn’t kill me directly, then my L2 implant is going to combust and wipe out the contents of my skull with it. I at least thought I’d die from a Reaper or at the hands of something else, not a God fucking damn _virus._ ”  
  
“Kaidan.” Joker interrupted the Major. “Take off your helmet.”  
  
“What?” He frowned.  
  
“Take your helmet off! The air is constantly decontaminated here, it’s the safest air you’ll find in the entire ship. I mean, if there’s one thing you’ll want to protect in a ship, it’s the guy controlling it. It makes your lips dry as fuck, but it’s a small price to pay.” Joker watched how Kaidan was visibly struggling with the decision. “Plus, I’m not a biotic.”

 

“That’s… true…” Kaidan slowly lifted his hands and began to unclasp and unzip his helmet from his head. It released with a soft hiss of air and the man pulled it off, sighing loudly in relief.  
  
“Better?”  
  
“You have no idea.”  
  
“Joker, how long until we are in range of Palaven?”  
  
“4 minutes, Commander. I’m glad we’re helping the Turians evacuate civilians. The Krogan sacrificing themselves down there to give time for people to evacuate has been weighing heavy on my mind. No doubt Wrex is going with you.” Joker turned in his seat to meet Shepard walking down the walkway and into the pilot-bay.  
  
“Wrex, Garrus and EDI are joining me on this mission. I need EDI’s intelligence to work out the best escape routes, Wrex’s superior force in both being a God damned tank and a superior officer of the Krogan and finally Garrus because… well… _Palaven._ The civilians may be wary of us, so a familiar Turian won’t hurt the effort.” The Commander paused, before dropping his head and looking at the Pilot. “If you see Kaidan, could you-”  
  
“Kiss him for you? I’ll give it a shot.” Joker grinned. “Hey, Major, you hear the Commander here? Horny bastard wants us to kiss.”  
  
“Despicable behaviour from a Commander.” Kaidan smirked, fingers working over the charts and statistics on his screen.  
  
“Kaidan!” Shepard blinked. “You’re he- Kaidan your helmet.”  
  
“Constant de-contamination of the air means Kaidan can safely remove his helmet here – hell, he could run around naked if he really felt like it.” Joker explained swiftly. “You can give him that kiss yourself now. You better hurry though, I think the Major is beginning to turn me.”  
  
Kaidan smirked to the Pilot, before he was craning his head up to meet Shepard’s lips as they kissed for the first time in a week. Shepard stalled, brain malfunctioning from the vast amount of heat such a light, loving kiss gave him and Kaidan felt how he wished to deepen it, make the kiss a promise for more as a tongue flicked at his own.  
  
“Stay safe…” Kaidan sighed as the Commander finally pulled away. “I’ll wait for you to get back tonight.”  
  
“I shouldn’t be gone more than a few hours.” Shepard whispered and placed one last kiss on the Major’s lips before he was pulling away.  
  
“You’re seriously making me question my sexuality, guys.”  
  
“I trust you won’t steal my man whilst I’m away.” Shepard smirked.  
  
“Your trust might be misplaced.” Joker responded.  
  
“We’re at the shuttle release point, Commander.” Kaidan interrupted in hopes of returning to business. He didn’t need to have the crippled, nerdy, elbow-y image of sex with Joker in his head, not now, not ever.  
  
“Good. Remain in orbit at all times, we don’t know when we could need an evac.”  
  
“Aye-aye sir.” Joker and Kaidan said in unison.  


                                                                           ***  
  
Kaidan raised his head at the sound of the cabin doors opening late that night cycle. He could smell exhausted heat-clips and dust in the air, so had no mistakes in thinking Shepard had returned from his mission. He barely remembered getting where he was now, curled in the very corner of the ‘L’ shaped sofa in the lower half of the cabin, his head felt like it was pinned under the ruins of a multi-story shopping centre, so that probably had some clue as to why he had retired so early.  
  
He remembered now.  
  
Joker had sent him to bed when a monster of a migraine made it difficult to see anything on his screen. He had dimmed the orange glow of the screen right down and Joker had been more than a little concerned when he had pointed out Kaidan’s nose was bleeding. Kaidan hadn’t even noticed through the unbearable pain ravaging his brain.  
  
And that’s how he found himself where he was now. He glanced to the sofa, looking at the red stain that had pooled under his head and dripped off the side of the sofa and _God damn it, Shepard was going to fit._

He sat up and glanced over as footsteps came down the small set of stairs.  
  
“Hey…” Kaidan breathed deep, pushing himself completely upright. “Did you just get back from Palaven?”

 

Shepard shrugged and threw a bag over onto the sofa away from Kaidan.  
  
“We returned a few hours ago, but the usual Commander duties occupied my time for a while.” Shepard smiled softly as he headed to the Major. “I spoke to Mordin too, apparently, the virus is a prototype. They were working on an incurable version of it when a sample of the prototype virus was released into the lab and they all, literally, fucked each other to death.”  
  
“So this means…”  
  
“A full decontaminating dialysis of your blood every day for a week will remove the virus. Mordin says from what he can tell from the blood and urine samples you gave him this morning, the virus is taking up refuge in your liver, kidneys and spleen, so when the blood circulates back into these organs to filter the toxins, bacteria, viruses, etc, from your blood, it re-infects it… Do you understand?” Shepard sat down carefully next to Kaidan and grasped his hand firmly. “Complete dialysis through a special machine Mordin is working on will wipe out the B.H.I.D virus. Your immune system will be in pieces for a few weeks whilst you recover, and you’ll have to wear your suit for a little longer, but you’ll be fit to return to active duty.”  
  
“To think there’s actually a cure for this…” Kaidan breathed. “When will we start this treatment?”  
  
“Tomorrow morning. Mordin’s running on caffeine and sing-alongs, so he should be finished with the device in a few hours. Cortez and Tali are helping him also.”  
  
“All of the crew are helping me…”  
  
“You sound surprised, Kaidan…” Shepard pressed a soft kiss to the Major’s brow and ran the backs of his fingers down the plush, scarred lips opposite him.  
  
“I am. I’m the whiney and annoying L2 who turned my back on everyone on Horizon…”  
  
Shepard sighed hard and grasped Kaidan’s chin. “Tali was right, you’ve had far too much time to think up stupid things in your head. This is ridiculous! You stayed true to your cause, just like I did mine on Horizon with Cerberus. I wanted the Collectors gone and with the Alliance refusing to believe I was alive, Cerberus were the only ones I could turn to… They also revived me… so…”  
  
“You owed them a pretty big favour, huh…” Kaidan glanced at the Commander’s lips, feeling the callouses of the man’s fingers rasp against his chin. “I owe you a few favours too, I believe…”  
  
“Is that true?” Shepard smirked, pulling the Major’s lips open with his thumb. “And how do you wish to repay me..?”  
  
Kaidan released a breathy chuckle and dropped his gaze to their linked fingers. “Shepard, if you start seducing me, I’m going to want more than just a good rutting.” He muttered, smile fading from his lips.  
  
“A good rutting is all I can give you, Kaidan…” The Commander looked to the crest-fallen expression, before leaning forward and pressing his mouth over the Major’s. Kaidan moaned, heat flaring up all over him as he grabbed at his lover and shoved him down against sofa. He immediately straddled the man, hips grinding on hips as Kaidan sighed softly. Shepard opened his mouth, a breathy moan leaving his lips as the Major shifted downwards and rolled his pelvis hard into his groin.  
  
“Kaidan.”  
  
“Sorry, Commander… my appetite’s increased somewhat.”  
  
“No kidding.” Shepard gasped and grabbed Kaidan’s thighs. “What I wouldn’t give to fuck you senseless.”  
  
“Your nervous system would be the price, Shepard.” Kaidan smirked. “I’m not willing to sacrifice that, just so you know.”  
  
“I know…”  
  
“I’ll stop if you want me to.”  
  
“No, don’t. You’ve already activated launch procedures. It’d be unprofessional to stop now. Not to mention, rude.”  
  
The Major laughed, bending down to place a soft kiss to the lines across Shepard’s forehead. “And painful, I bet.”  
  
“Yeah, that too.” Shepard ran his fingers down, finding the straps and harness buckles keeping the Major’s suit on. He gave the Major eye-contact, carefully pulling the secures open before his fingers were sliding over flesh and shoving the enviro-suit off. Kaidan’s eyes flicked over the Commander’s face, wondering if this was a good idea as his enviro-suit hit the floor with a crumpled slap. His prick drizzled clear fluid over his belly once it was free and Kaidan ignored it regardless of how it ached to be touched. It was up to Shepard now to take control, he trusted the man wouldn’t leave him without climaxing again, but at the same time, he wondered if it was a good idea to.  
  
Kaidan stopped as he took in the sight before him.

 

Shepard’s eyes were wide, and not in a remotely good way, he noticed.  
  
“Kaidan…” He breathed and slowly reached towards his neck. Instinctively, Kaidan brought his hand up to clutch Shepard’s wrist, his neck still tender to the touch. Shepard made a strange noise between a sigh and a whimper, his eyes reflecting some sort of inner torture and suddenly Kaidan realised there was something _really wrong._  
  
“You OK, Shepard?” He whispered and lowered himself down to press a kiss to the man’s forehead.  
  
“Kaidan, your neck…”  
  
“What’s wrong with it..?” He withdrew and got up from over Shepard’s lap. As he left for the bathroom, he could hear his lover growling softly and cursing under his breath, something about Cerberus.  
  
The bathroom was cold, as was the norm, but it wasn’t what caused the unmistakable chill that bolted down his spine once he laid eyes on himself in the mirror. For days he’d been unable to look at himself  – what was the point when he was stuck under a Quarian-style helmet 24 hours a cycle? But now he was naked, and he could see… Shepard had seen…  
  
The cut the Banshee had made from one ear to the other over his neck was bright red, as if it’d been rubbed continuously against sand paper. Small blood vessels had risen to the surface around the area and … if Kaidan looked carefully… every little capillary throbbed with a pulse that definitely wasn’t his own. The web carved its way from his neck and down his chest where it faded, probably towards his heart and … would dialysis _fix this_..?  
  
He lifted his hand, fingers tracing around the infected wound, except, it wasn’t really infected, was it? Not by any normal standards anyway. He looked to his hands, his fingers were still normal at least, but then he was seeing past his hands, down himself and his manhood came into focus and…  
  
“Oh God.” Kaidan choked and had to steady himself against the counter. The same pulsing web of blood vessels, probably the course the virus had carved out beneath his skin to get to more valuable places faster, was present from his belly button, down to (or was it up now?) the very tip of his prick, which was still hard regardless of how horrified he was.  
  
Well, that was a new symptom to chalk up, erectile dysfunction, because the _virus_ decided when his boner went away, and not his brain.  
  
He suddenly felt this overwhelming anger boil under his surface. He bit his lip, his nostrils flaring as he let his hands take his weight over the counter.  
  
“It’ll be better in the morning…” Shepard was by the door, watching his lover evaluate himself in the mirror and, as he always did, stifle his reaction with a controlled stare. “Once the dialysis has been complete, the virus will be gone and…” He could see his words weren’t getting through.  
  
“And if they don’t go? _Look at me, Shepard!_ ” Kaidan snapped. “I’m starting to look more and more like a God damned _Husk_! One day, one of the squad is going to turn round, see my fucking face and shoot me between the _fucking_ eyes because they thought I was a hostile. What the fuck is the point in curing this fucking disease, why can’t you just let me _die_ already, you’ve had more than enough opportunities!”  
  
Shepard held his breath for a moment, EDI’s words echoing in his head.  
  
 _“Sudden acts of rage can occur due to the B.H.I.D virus contending with naturally occurring hormones, causing sudden spikes of testosterone in the Major’s system.”_

“You’re making me look like a _fucking_ invalid! Wrapping me up in that God _fucking_ suit! You say it’s to protect me, but you’re more than happy to rip me out of it at any given moment!”  
  
“Kaidan, please…” Shepard whispered.  
  
“No! And then you go and tell Hackett and Anderson that I’m too dangerous to work on the Crucible!? What the _fuck_ do you expect me to do around here, Shepard?! You keep saying this is for my own good, but you don’t seem to care much for how I _actually_ feel! What if I don’t want to stay on the Normandy? I’m a _fucking Spectre!_ ” Kaidan turned away from the mirror and grabbed the Commander by the wrists, slamming him back against the wall. He didn’t seem to take notice he was still naked, still hard and Shepard was fully clothed, his cock probably making a quick retreat from the sudden violence.  
  
“Stand down, Major!” Shepard barked.  
  
“See? You’re _scared_ of me, John.” Kaidan grimaced, never minding the sharp scratch against his bared erection grinding against the front of Shepard’s fatigues. “You’re scared I’m going to rip your pants off and fuck you to death…”  
  
“Kaidan.” John muttered steadily and placed his forehead against his lovers. “Kaidan, take a deep breath, look at what you’re doing… This is the virus talking…” A tentative kiss, a soft brush of their noses and he opened his eyes again. “I don’t care what you look like, Kaidan. The scars might stay, yeah, but that means nothing to me. You’re who I want… Who I…” He drew a curt breath, the words escaping him, but he knew he didn’t _have_ to say them. “You know how I feel about you.”

 

The Major swallowed thickly down his dry throat.

 

“You’re angry, I get that… I mean, you don’t deserve this, you never asked for it… But you’ll get better, we’re all working hard to make sure of that…” Shepard carefully worked a hand free from Kaidan’s grip and took a gentle hold of the man’s chin. He tilted his head up, making Kaidan look him in the eyes again and not for the first time he saw just what he was feeling hidden away behind his eyes. “There’s a punching bag down in the shuttle bay if you want to vent out some testosterone.”  
  
“That’s James’ set up.”  
  
“So what? You’re a Major, the highest ranking officer on this ship… and also a Spectre…” John gave a soft, brief grin. “Besides, I doubt James will have a problem with you working out down there once he sees you in action. Your ass may be firm and tighter than hell, but when you’re in combat… damn… just damn, Major.”  
  
Kaidan coughed and tried to belly the smirk tugging at his lips.  
  
“When you make a quick step, the way your ass shifts under your body-suit… the way your thigh muscles almost rip the damn fabric when you crouch or duck…” Shepard hissed softly and wrapped his free arm around Kaidan’s waist, pulling him flush against him. “Sometimes I just want to slam you over a crate and fuck you senseless right then, right there. I don’t care who watches.”  
  
The Major whimpered as he ground himself into Shepard’s hip. He felt the boiling rage leave his system, replaced with a heat far more overwhelming than the last. He shifted and gasped and grabbed onto his lover as Shepard rolled them over against the wall and pressed him back.  
  
“I bet you’d let me, wouldn’t you? You’d let anyone watch, even Anderson and Hackett.”  
  
“Shepard!” Kaidan cried as his lover’s hand wrapped around his prick and began to rub harshly. He tried not to think about the virus pulsing just beneath the skin on his prick, it was getting harder to think about anything regardless of subject as Shepard squeezed and _twisted_ until he was a mess of curses, pleas and his lover’s name.  
  
“Just watching you getting off, Major…” Shepard caught Kaidan in a short, bruising kiss and began to flick his wrist faster. “It’s enough for me.”  
  
Kaidan opened his mouth and grasped Shepard’s cheeks with both hands, he tried to say something, anything, but his lungs were so busy drawing in extra air, he forgot how to speak. His mind spiralled, his head landing back against the wall with a metallic _thunk_ and he choked on his own moans.  
  
“Take over, Major.”  
  
Kaidan opened his eyes as the warm, dryness of Shepard’s hand left his oozing prick. John was opening his trousers, pulling down his briefs to fit under his balls, and then he was back. Kaidan grimaced as his thighs were grabbed and hauled around Shepard’s waist, lifting him from the floor and then he was grinding his cock into the cleft of his arse and everything just felt…  
  
Well, like something was being rubbed between his arse cheeks, to be honest, but the look on Shepard’s face to _finally_ have friction where he wanted it, it sent a biotic flare of want straight to his cock, which he left unattended, for now.  
  
“Carry on, Alenko.” Shepard growled and bit firmly into Kaidan’s shoulder as he began thrusting his prick against Kaidan’s perineum.  
  
He wasn’t going to last much longer like this. Not only could he feel Shepard throbbing and so _damn hot_ against his skin, but he could hear the man right against his ear, moaning, gasping, even just _breathing_ , he could hear the pleasure in his voice.  
  
And he wasn’t even touching himself yet.  
  
He was reminded of that when Shepard’s grip tightened on his thighs and clawed down to his buttocks, clutching firmly as he made a remark on how _fucking amazing_ Kaidan looked like this, and his dick twitched hard.  
  
Kaidan gripped himself tightly and bucked into his own hand, his shoulders taking his weight against the wall as Shepard’s thrusts became erratic. The double stimuli were too much. Kaidan shuddered and threw back his head, his ankles digging into the small of Shepard’s back as his release took him away from reality. He made noises he’d only really heard from extranet vids, and for a moment he didn’t really believe it was him.  
  
But then, Shepard was making the same noises and something warm and wet was being splashed between his buttocks and reality came back in a trickle. Shepard sagged against him, but didn’t let go. He gasped and panted into Kaidan’s chest, then raised his head and licked at his lover’s chin and the undamaged areas of his throat. Slowly, he put the Major down and ran his fingers down into the mess that was slowly trailing off into the man’s pubic hair.  
  
“Shower…” He moaned.  
  
“Yeah… I… yeah…” Kaidan found his feet and tested the strength in them before pulling away from the wall. “Best three minutes for weeks…”  
  
Shepard knew Kaidan wasn’t being sarcastic, or insulting, he meant it.

 

He only wished he could do more.

 

 

                                                                           ***

 

Regardless of how pre-occupied he was at the time, Kaidan did remember John’s suggestion of ‘borrowing some time’ with James’ punching bag. Mordin was still working on the final adjustments on the old age ‘Dialysis machine’ he had been building from old Earth schematics, so he had a few hours to kill. He had gone down to the shuttle-bay in his viral suit, helmet and everything and had approached James where he was at the weapons bench between all the crates.  
  
“Are you sure you’re ready to take on _Diablo_..?” James smirked and folded his broad arms across his chest.  
  
“You _named_ your punching bag, Vega..?” Kaidan chuckled through the helmet, his voice slightly static since the filters needed a change – and damn if he wasn’t starting to sound like Tali.  
  
“ _Diablo_ is just the default name… Usually, I call it whoever I’m pissed off with.”  
  
“And that happens to be Shepard when he’s not picked for a mission!” Steve called across the bay.  
  
“No one was talking to you, _Esteban_!”  
  
Kaidan turned his head and glanced at the Shuttle pilot grinning like a Cheshire cat over by his control panel.  
  
“Hey, Cortez.” The Major paused. “I never thanked you for the suit.”  
  
Steve nodded as Kaidan made his way over, he didn’t even step back or flinch at him moving closer like most of the basic crew did, and that felt good.  
  
“It was a pleasure, Major. I’m curious though, what’s it like being in there all the time..? I tried asking Tali, but all she says is ‘I’ve been in here all my life, I know no different’, but you’re new to it, what’s you’re take on the suit life?”  
  
“Honestly? I think if the suit had been designed by anyone else, I’d hate it like crazy… But the fact that you took Quarian technology and adjusted it to my needs as a human, yeah, Cortez, this is luxury.” Kaidan hesitated, before lifting his hand to the glass over his helmet and activated the release clamps with the sensor over his palm. He smirked and brushed a stray hair back from his forehead.

 

“My voice is kind of muffled, and I can’t hear people as well as I did, but I think that would involve a lot of new filters that would need changing too.” Yup, definitely sounding like Tali.  
  
“I’m not sure if you answered my question, or gave me a politician reaction there, Major.” Steve chuckled. “But, I really enjoyed designing your suit. Unfortunately, I was on a tight schedule to get it done quickly, so you’ll have to excuse the lack of high quality sound.”  
  
“Hey!” James shouted. “I helped too! Don’t go hogging the glory there, Esteban!”  
  
“Have you finished the Major’s new suit of armour yet, Mr Vega?” Cortez called back.

 

There was a silence and then a soft curse muttered in Spanish.

 

Steve rolled his eyes and settled the eerily blue back on Kaidan. “James is building you a new suit. It’ll still look the same as the old one, just with a few alterations to make the armour stronger and yet more comfortable. With the research EDI, Mordin and Chakwas have been able to forge from the data you collected, and also analysis of the virus itself, we’ve developed a new ‘layer’ for the armour. It’s a lot like one of your biotic _barriers_ , but it protects you from most biological warfare, plus you don’t glow whilst it’s active.”  
  
“It sounds amazing.” Kaidan smiled. “It will save lives, not only mine.”  
  
“That’s the plan.” Cortez leant back against his control panel and gave Kaidan’s suit a good look. “Anyway, if there’s anything you want me to change about the suit, let me know.”  
  
“You and the Lieutenant have done a brilliant job in such a short period of time, to ask anymore of you two would just make me an ass.”  
  
“Hey, speaking of ass, that design which cradles _yours_ so finely, that was Mr Vega’s idea.”  
  
“What?” Kaidan grimaced and turned to see James quickly turning his head back to what he was fixing on the weapons bench. “Vega?” He chuckled loudly.  
  
“If getting on _Loco_ ’s good side to go on missions means making your ass look even better than _Miranda Lawson’s_ , I’m gonna do it.” James said far too quickly. “And hey, I didn’t hear you objecting to anything, Esteban.”  
  
“Unbelievable, and a very bad liar.” Cortez sighed and shook his head. “Remind me again the last time you got laid, Mr Vega..?”  
  
“I… er… I can get laid anytime I want! We have Diana Allers upstairs don’t we? I heard she’s _thirsty_.”  
  
“ _God!”_ Kaidan choked and swiftly put his helmet screen back on. “How do I switch off the audio on this thing?”

  
“Like I said, Major, _made in a hurry._ ”  
  
Kaidan grinned through the yellowish tinge of the glass and turned to walk back towards James and his punching bag – _Diablo –_ he remembered.  
  
“I see you’re appreciating my work too, Esteban.”  
  
Kaidan glanced over his shoulder and caught Cortez’s eyes flicking back up to his ‘face’ – helmet – whatever. He gave it no thought, the man was gay after all and if he wanted to look, sure, as long as it was _just_ looking.  
  
“I’m starting to look forward to the things Shepard’s going to do to me if the designs on this suit are anything like my new armour, Vega.” Kaidan growled, his voice dripping in mock desire. James gave him this blank stare and continued to for a few seconds before he slowly returned to whatever he was repairing on his bench, no other word uttered.  
  
Desired results, Kaidan mused as he turned to the punching bag and dragged it out of its little compartment between crates. He hauled it out until it was away from James’ work area, he didn’t fancy elbowing the guy accidently whilst beating the shit out of the punching bag.  
  
He glanced down to his suited hands, then to the punching bag. He began with a light work-out, quick jabs followed with a heavier one. He went on like this for a while until he could feel a different kind of battle high rising up inside him. He felt annoyed and frustrated, like someone leaning too close to Shepard in Purgatory or a Husk climbing up onto his body, trying to rip his face off. Then, it became a rage, like watching the bomb go off on Virmire from the Normandy – too numb to speak or cry, like watching the Reapers land on Earth, like seeing Shepard wearing the Cerberus symbol.  
  
Like finding out Cerberus had succeeded in contaminating him with this _fucking_ disease!  
  
He hadn’t noticed his punches flew harder, faster and sharper, the same spot over and over again. It would be the face if an average-height human or alien was stood in front of him. His breath was coming in heavy through the filter, it was hot inside his suit, but he didn’t care, all he could think about was Cerberus. Those fuckers, those fucking _bastards!  
  
_ James shared a glance over to Cortez, who hadn’t moved from his position at his control panel, fingers stopped mid-type over the pad, before he was looking back to the Major beating the ever loving _shit_ out of the punching bag. He flinched when a crack of biotics fizzled out into the air, and then the Major was bluer than usual, flaring, crackling and pulsing neon as his fists slammed into the worked leather.  
  
It was pretty hot, if he had to be honest and he wouldn’t be surprised if _Esteban_ was thinking the same thing.  
  
He was completely absorbed into the action now, James could see that. It was only him and the punching bag, just the sight of his fists making the punching bag lurch and jolt back on its chain and whoevers face upon it. He had a lot of pain hidden under the surface, which was obvious.  
  
Just as he began to wonder if his punching bag could take biotics as well as a good ass-kicking, the thing flew off the hook and hit the floor with a loud, resounding _thud._ The silence around the bay was deafening all of a sudden, save for the harsh breathing inside the Major’s helmet. And then there was a clap. James turned at the same time as Cortez to see Shepard leaning against the primary weapons bench by the elevator doors, basic crew members standing behind him, they had probably been watching as well.  
  
It was contagious. James found himself lifting his hands and joining the applause. Soon, he, Cortez, Shepard and the basic crew gathered in the shuttle-bay were applauding the performance Kaidan had made in his battle heat.  
  
The Major turned, as if the clapping had only registered after he’d hung the punching bag back on the hook. He looked confused, dazed and tired, and that was only what James could see from his body language, his face lost under the yellow fogged helmet. Actually, he looked _sick,_ like he didn’t know what was going on.

 

Like he was about to…  
  
James stepped forward quickly when the Major collapsed. He barely caught the man and pulled him up to his chest. The clapping stopped.  
  
“Shepard!” He yelled, but he didn’t need to because Shepard was _right the fuck there_ instantly.  
  
“He must have exhausted himself.” Shepard muttered and helped James lower the Major carefully to the ground. “Or overheated the suit.”  
  
“Impossible, the suit is designed to keep the occupant cool, no matter the conditions. Esteban,” James shouted over the bay. “Get the crew out of the shuttle bay! EDI! Grab Chakwas or Mordin, anyone!”  
  
“Right away! Everyone out of the shuttle bay!” Cortez snapped and shepherded the basic crew out to the elevator.  
  
“Both Doctor Solus and Doctor Chakwas have been informed of the situation.” EDI announced. “I was keeping an eye on the Major’s stress levels and vitals, but the deterioration was so sudden, it happened in the seconds before the Major collapsed…” She paused. “I apologise for not seeing it sooner.”  
  
“Like you said, it happened too fast.” Commander Shepard muttered and carefully pried the glass from Kaidan’s helmet. It released with a hiss as Kaidan’s head rolled to the side. He was still breathing hard, showing he was mildly conscious at least.  
  
“Kaidan, speak to me.”  
  
“Shepard, there’s something … _crawling_ up his neck…” James breathed.  
  
John looked down and found the same webbed blood vessels, pulsing a light blue this time, slowly working its way up Kaidan’s jawline. The infection was spreading out like some sort of wide-spread tumour and it had to be stopped before it reached his brain and shut it down, that’s all Shepard could keep thinking as he scooped Kaidan into his arms and flat-out sprinted for the elevator, James following closely.  
  
“The virus is spreading.” Shepard panted as they entered the elevator, James jabbing the controls with the side of his fist. “Shit, EDI, tell Liara to stay away, it’s too dangerous for her.”  
  
“Yes Commander. I will tell her to remain in her quarters.”  
  
“Thanks.” John sighed sharply, then turned to meet the eyes of his Lieutenant watching them with naked concern across his face, that was rare for the man. “Are you alright..?”  
  
“Yeah, I’m… just surprised. It was so fast.” James shook his head. “One second he was showing _Diablo_ who’s boss, the next he’s out for the count. His heart rate’s steady right..?”  
  
“I don’t know.” Shepard bit his lip.  
  
“You don’t know? You checked right?” James frowned.  
  
“He has two pulses, James. One is his heart, the other is the virus.” Shepard swallowed, glancing at the Lieutenant. “Believe me, I’ve tried to check. One’s too fast, the other’s too slow, my guess is Kaidan’s heart is beating too slow and the virus is pounding through him, but I can’t be sure.”  
  
“Understood.” James stood aside as the elevator doors opened, then followed as Shepard ran for the med-bay.  
  
They were welcomed with Mordin and Chakwas stood at the end of a bed that seemed to have a new function if the large machine next to it had any influence. Shepard laid him out on the bed and began to relay the circumstances surrounding the Major’s collapse. He watched Mordin the whole time, observing how he hooked Kaidan to the machine with a tube going into each arm, connected via needles and held in place with tape. He almost bristled with horror when the Salarian strapped Kaidan to the bed.  
  
“At ease, Shepard.” Chakwas whispered beside him. He was shaken from his panic as the Doctor gently grabbed his arm. “Kaidan is a strong man, and he also has instincts. He will react and _move_ quite a bit when he wakes up, we don’t want the I.Vs to be ripped out…”  
  
“Yes. Intravenous needles removed suddenly, results catastrophic. Reason for discontinuation in medical field. No other choice in these circumstances, however.” Mordin chirped happily from where he was pressing buttons into the machine. “Suggest medically induced coma.”  
  
“Do what you have to… just… bring him back safe.” Shepard cringed at the waver in his voice. It was probably why when he turned to James he was there with a sympathetic smile and a slap to the forearm.  
  
“Ya gotta have faith, Loco. L2’s a soldier, tougher than all of us, except you… You have no idea how much that hurts my ego to say that.”  
  
“I have a feeling a lot. It’s not a small target after all.” Shepard smirked and then glanced back to the Major. “But… yeah… He’s been through a lot, this is nothing in comparison…” He sighed and shrugged his shoulders back, looking every bit the Commander. “Come on, we better get this mission done.”  
  
“I’m coming with?” James followed the Commander out of the med-bay.  
  
“It’s N7, of course you’re coming. You need to watch and learn, Lieutenant.”  


                                                                               ***  
  
2 weeks they put him under. 2 weeks of constant dialysis of his blood. Shepard shuddered from where he sat beside Kaidan’s bed, his ass having made a permanent shape in the chair pulled up to it. He took deep breaths. It felt like everything was falling apart. Thessia had been taken, he’d been so distracted, he wouldn’t blame Liara if she pointed it out, he wouldn’t even find fault in her hating Kaidan for being _that distraction_ …  
  
But she didn’t say anything; she simply blamed her own people, and the Reapers.  
  
Still the guilt remained like a boulder in his gut.  
  
Yet, here he was, sulking beside his unconscious lover, not doing anything about it, not that he could anyway.  
  
He pulled his head from his hands when the doors slid open. He thought it was Chakwas returning to check on them, on the machine, to see if she could get Shepard anything to eat or drink, alcoholic or otherwise – _again_. But it wasn’t her.  
  
“Shepard…” They sighed.  
  
“Liara, you shouldn’t be in here.”  
  
“I can’t say I care too much right now, Shepard.”  
  
John frowned and stood, but Liara raised her hands in peace.  
  
“Honestly Shepard, if I wanted to kill myself, I would do it in a less painful way.” She sighed. “I’ve got my mask on, haven’t I?”  
  
“Yeah…” John hesitated, before drawing up a second chair, patting it and settling back down in his own. “Did you come to see Chakwas?”  
  
“No. I came to see Kaidan. I wasn’t aware you were here, but I’m not surprised.” She smiled softly and sat down beside the Commander. “4 in the morning cycle and I bet you haven’t slept.”  
  
“I got a few hours when we got back… medically induced, of course, but sleep nonetheless.”  
  
“I suppose there’s always a compromise.” Liara paused, before carefully reaching forward and wrapping her gloved hand around Kaidan’s. She remained silent for a moment, then lowered her head and closed her eyes. “His pulse is stable.”  
  
“Which one…”  
  
“His only pulse…”  
  
John went deathly quiet, before he was leaning forward and brushing his fingers over Kaidan’s neck, feeling the jugular and counting the pulse, one steady pulse, in his head.  
  
“Thank goodness…” He sighed. “A little hope in all this death, it’s what we need right now.”  
  
“Agreed.” The Asari opened her eyes and turned her head to Shepard once he closed his battle worn hand around both Liara’s and his lover’s. She said nothing, simply watched, waited for him to say something, before dropping her gaze back to the naked man on the bed. She reached forward and adjusted the sheet to cover a patch of goose-bumps that had broken out over the Major’s stomach, war-hardened muscles flexing minutely with every breath in and out.  
  
“We fought a couple of weeks ago…” Shepard suddenly began. “Really bad…”  
  
“All couples have their fights, Shepard.” Liara gave a reassuring smile. “You patched things up, right..?”  
  
“I think so…” Shepard wanted to add _with amazing sex,_ but he was talking to Liara here, not James or Garrus, so he let that be. “It was when the virus first started to show up on his skin, the night before he collapsed in the shuttle-bay… I told him the scars would fade, but he lost it, started screaming that I was treating him like an invalid… He asked me why I wouldn’t let him die…” Shepard shuddered and dropped his head into his hand, his fingernails clawing at his scalp.  
  
“Shepard…” Liara breathed.  
  
“I know it was the virus messing up his hormones, making him so fucking angry, but he must have been thinking about it enough for him to …” Shepard swallowed back the urge to sob and dug the heel of his palm into his eye. “It was like he had considered just letting the disease take him and dying instead of fighting… I had no idea…”  
  
“We still don’t know everything about the virus, Shepard.” The Asari shifted in her chair to drape one leg over the other. Her grip tightened around Kaidan’s fingers and she felt the Commander’s do the same to theirs. “It could have made him depressed, true, but-”  
  
“No. He said it like he’d been thinking about it for a long time, even before the virus…” Shepard cringed at the very thought. “I’m sorry, this isn’t something you want to hear.”  
  
“It’s best to talk about your problems. How is he doing..?”  
  
“OK… The virus is gone from his body, but his immune system is… yeah, it’s … gone.” John bit his lip, then released a sigh and hung his head forward. “It’s gonna be difficult. He’ll have to stay in the enviro-suit for months until he’s as strong as he was…”  
  
“Do we have that much time left, though..?” Liara went quiet, then shook her head and closed her eyes tight. “I’m sorry, that wasn’t fair to say.”  
  
“You’re right though, Liara. We might not have a few months, a few weeks, maybe… Shit, what if he never gets the chance to go on field missions again?”  
  
“Oh, please, Shepard… Tali follows you around on missions and she’s a Quarian. One infiltration of her suit and she’s going to be very sick for days… Why can’t it be the same for Kaidan?” She leant forward and gave Shepard’s lowered head a smile.  
  
“You love him, don’t you..? That’s the only difference.”  
  
The Commander gave a smile of his own in return, and it didn’t even hurt this time, he actually felt a little better.  
  
“Yeah… I do. I really do.” He murmured.  
  
“You’ll make it work, Shepard. If you managed to gain an alliance between the Krogan and the Turians, then anything is possible.” The Asari pulled her hand away from the two men and stood from her chair. “I suppose I’ll find you here in the morning. Try to get a little sleep, even if it is here in the med-bay.”  
  
“We’ll see.” John smirked and ran his fingers up the Major’s bare arm. He didn’t look up even when the doors slid open for the Asari, and shut again behind her. He was thankful to be alone, to let his emotion show on his face again now that it was so painful to hide it. He glanced to the pipes in each of Kaidan’s arms, watching the once clear tubes pumping his blood into the machine, then back into his body via the second tube. He didn’t know how it worked, but it definitely did, too much, he realised. Not only did it destroy the virus in his blood, but also everything needed to uphold his once healthy immune system, it was killing him and saving his life at the same time.  
  
“You used to have such a hot tan back when we first met.” Shepard whispered, tightening his grip on the hand in his own. “Strutting around the SR1 like some Canadian porn star, and yet you’d stutter and blush like a little girl as soon as I started talking to you.” He stopped and carefully lifted his hand, lowering himself to press a kiss against the roughened knuckles so as to not interfere with the IV.  
  
“Meeting you again on Horizon… with that damn suit on… Forget what was said, I just wanted to fuck you like crazy. Those lights on the back of your suit, it was like a visual runway straight to that damn ass of yours. I wish you had the time to grab that suit back on Earth.”  
  
He paused.  
  
“I wish we had time to see each other on Earth, longer than passing each other in the hall and gazing at each other anyway… All that time I spent in the cell, most of it was used thinking about you, where you were, what I could say to make up for joining Cerberus… apologising. God knows I’ve got a lot to apologise for.”  
  
Slowly, Shepard stood from the chair and kicked off his boots. He carefully avoided jolting anything as he climbed up onto the bed and cuddled against the Major’s belly. Just having the warmth there under his cheek was like medi-gel to an open wound. It hurt, but it quickly soothed and began to heal the gaping hole he felt lingering across his surface.  
  
Chakwas would probably give him a stern ‘chat’ about sleeping movements and the potential disrupting of the IV lines when she found him, but for now, he couldn’t give a Hanar’s glowing shit.  
  
He closed his eyes and buried his nose into the sheet clad hardness of Kaidan’s stomach, then slipped into a rather peaceful sleep.

 

 

                                                                             ***  
  
The tubes were removed the following day and Kaidan was eased back into his enviro-suit. He was taken off the sedative, then all they could do was wait.  
  
“You’re looking jumpier than a Salarian in a Krogan fight club.” Wrex growled across the mess-hall table. “Seriously, Shepard, you need to stop worrying so much.”  
  
“Wrex, Kaidan’s in the same condition as one of my own people if they had been standing out in Noveria naked for 5 whole minutes. It’s not something you can just ignore.” Tali scolded the Krogan and probably would have kicked him under the table if there wasn’t a real threat of breaking her foot in the process.  
  
“I hate to say it, Shepard, but you’re distracted as hell. James could strip off naked and wave his human organ in your face and you wouldn’t think anything of it…” Garrus shrugged and relaxed back in his chair. “I bet you’re not even listening to me right now.”  
  
John blinked and turned his face back to the occupants of the table.  
  
“Sorry, I heard ‘James’, ‘strip off naked’ and ‘human organ’ and assumed you were talking about strip poker. Again.” Shepard shifted in his chair and glanced back to the med-bay. “They took Kaidan off dialysis today and stopped giving him sedatives. He’ll wake up soon I…” He took a deep breath and swallowed thickly. “I apologise…”  
  
“Well, you didn’t tell us _that_.” Liara gasped and rose from her chair to look through the med-bay windows. “Will there be any lasting effects..?”  
  
“A few.” Shepard craned his head to look through the glass as well. “His immune system will take weeks to repair itself, as you know. The scars will eventually fade, but we’ll have to wait for him to display symptoms before we can understand them… He’s the first of his kind after all…”  
  
“And sex, will it still kill you?” Wrex snickered.  
  
“….” Shepard just gave the Krogan a flat stare, before glancing back to his breakfast. “We’ll have to see…”  
  
“I have a feeling the first thing Kaidan will want to do when he wakes up is eat.” James smirked as he rocked back on his chair. “Don’t biotics have increased appetites anyway? Yet, I hardly see you eat, Liara.”  
  
“That’s because I’m an Asari, not human.” Liara smiled and she finished her tea.  
  
“I reckon that’s complete bullshit. You’ve probably got a secret stash of chocolate hidden away in your office that you rip into on the regular.”  
  
“Garrus!” She sighed exasperatedly.  
  
“Kaidan’s got a stash of protein bars specifically designed for biotics. I tried one once… it… did things to me that I’d rather not talk about.” Shepard smirked, pushing his food around the tray with his fork.  
  
“They have a warning on the box, Shepard.” Garrus chuckled. “You seriously ate one, what happened?”  
  
“Biotics can eat as much as they like, but they don’t usually get the nutrients they need from normal foods to get the most from their powers… so, these protein bars have additives in them to stimulate the biotic consumer, make them hyper-aware… the clue being _hyper._ ”  
  
James chuckled and covered his mouth with his hand.  
  
“Let’s just say it was a very late night that ended with the Major having to extract me out of the ventilation system after I became convinced my space hamster had made friends with a Varren up there.”  
  
The table roared with laughter, the Krogan giving the table a heavy thump of his fist that spilled most of the drinks. Cortez, still chuckling, stood to get some clothes to mop up the mess.  
  
“They’re basically narcotics to non-biotics.”  
  
“Man, I’ve gotta try some.” James grinned.  
  
“Ah, best if you don’t take from Kaidan’s stash. He’d sooner jump in front of a speeding Rachni to save his precious protein bars than to save me.”  
  
“I’m still trying to imagine a _speeding Rachni_ myself.” Garrus purred.  
  
“Shepard?”  
  
John smirked at Garrus, before turning his head towards the source of the voice.  
  
“I believe someone would like to see you.” Chakwas smiled and linked her fingers behind her back.  
  
Shepard almost knocked his chair halfway across the mess hall as he scrambled to his feet, almost tripped over Tali’s chair and threw himself in front of the Doctor.  
  
“Please tell me Kaidan’s awake this time and this isn’t another of Mordin’s sick jokes about a prostate exam.” He ordered. “Is he awake, is he alright?”  
  
“Yes, quite fine actually. He woke up a minute ago, a bit confused I’ll admit, but he’s very aware. It’s amazing really, he’s talking well, his motor skills are perfect and his reflexes are as good as they ever were which is rare for someone who has been in a medically induced coma.” Karin smiled and motioned for the Commander to follow. “He asked for you as soon as he realised he was awake.”  
  
There was the sound of shuffling behind him suddenly and he turned to find the crew following him into the med-bay. He smirked and pretended not to notice them, and also tried to keep Chakwas from ordering them out as he continued to ask questions.  
  
“How are his vitals?”  
  
“Perfectly fine. He’ll be unstable on his feet considering he’s been bed-ridden for a few weeks, but I can’t imagine it will last very long. My guess is that he collapsed 2 weeks ago because the virus overwhelmed his system suddenly from the stress he put his body under using the punching bag… now that the virus is gone, I’d say it’d be a good idea to get him started on rehabilitation as soon as possible, with supervision of course.”  
  
“I can do that, _Loco_.” James piped up. “Willing and able...”  
  
“Thanks, Lieutenant.” Shepard smirked over his shoulder and then followed the Doctor, the crew following him, inside the med-bay.  
  
“Mn, hey Shepard.” Kaidan whispered as he pushed himself up from the bed. “Hello crew of the Normandy.” He went to rub his face, but only got as far as the glass on his helmet, growling softly in frustration.  
  
“You look like shit.” Wrex chortled in a somewhat _Krogan_ friendly manner. “But that never changes, I suppose.”  
  
“Fuck you too, Wrex.” Shepard shook his head, though kept smirking at the Krogan before turning back to Kaidan and wrapping him in the tightest hug he could manage without causing Kaidan a hernia.  
  
“Mn…” The Major moaned and returned the hug, the strength wasn’t matched and it soon became obvious the man had little of his strength left. “Are you OK, Shepard?”  
  
“Yeah.” John smiled and pulled back enough to hold Kaidan’s helmet with both hands. “Shit, you have no idea how _OK_ I am seeing you awake again.”  
  
“Heh, Chakwas explained to me everything that’s happened… The dialysis, the lack of immune system, the suit having to stay on… and…” Kaidan broke the glow of his eyes beneath his helmet away to look at Liara. “I’m so sorry about Thessia, Liara, I … I don’t know how hard it must be for you.”  
  
“Yes you do, Earth’s being taken as we speak…” Liara smiled tiredly. “Except you were prepared, whereas my people were not. It must hurt more, knowing you put all of that work into putting up defences, only to have them wiped out like nothing more than stick houses.”  
  
Kaidan lowered his head, giving a subtle nod before Shepard was pulling his face back up by the bottom of his Quarian style helmet.  
  
“We’ll win back everything that’s been lost.” John said firmly. “This is only one of many victories in this war, we can’t forget that.”  
  
“Shepard’s right. We could’ve lost the Major too, and we’ve got too many years of hard work invested in this to lose now… We fucking won this battle.” Garrus punched one hand into the other and flickered his mandibles. “Cerberus can suck Vorcha balls because today, their B.H.I.D virus was eliminated.”  
  
“Couldn’t have said it better myself.” Shepard grinned. “Come on Major, we were just having breakfast.”  
  
“Oh God, food sounds amazing right now.” Kaidan moaned as he was carefully pulled to his feet.  
  
“I can fix up some more of the protein shake I was having, if you want some, Kaidan..?” Tali almost skipped as they made their way back into the mess hall. “It contains bananas, oranges and a protein bar blended together with pasteurised goats milk and a scoop of vanilla ice cream.”  
  
“Sounds… great...” Kaidan grimaced and tightened his grip on Shepard. The Commander wrapped an arm around Kaidan’s stomach and allowed him to press more weight against him until they reached the table. He eased the Major into a chair and occupied the one next to him as Tali and James headed to the kitchen area to knock up more food.  
  
“Put one of Kaidan’s biotibars in the shake, Tali!” Garrus called over, a smug Turian grin flashing his sharp teeth. “You make sure Shepard doesn’t have any, although watching him crawling through the ventilation shaft would be a hoot.”  
  
Kaidan shot a look over to his lover, blinking in confusion before Shepard grinned sheepishly,  
  
“You didn’t tell them you tried to snipe Diana Allers’ fly-cam whilst you were up there and that I had to _follow_ you into the ventilation shaft and drag you back by your _foot_ until I could find a way to safely get us both down without falling into the bulk head.”  
  
“Don’t remember that.” Shepard muttered quickly.  
  
“Oh? And you don’t remember how you stripped naked, tried to take _my_ clothes off, broke into ladies hygiene hub and pretended you were a lady by sitting on the toilet with your dick between your legs.” Kaidan broke off on the last word and began to chuckle uncontrollably as the crew burst out laughing around him.  
  
“I have the recording if you are interested..?” EDI smiled from her place by the kitchen units.  
  
“I wanna see it!” Joker snapped. “Show me right now!”  
  
“Maybe later, Jeff.” The AI responded.  
  
“I remember none of this!” Shepard huffed.  
  
“This was before we became an item, Shepard, it was pretty damn awkward for me.” Kaidan grinned beneath his helmet, then leant forward and nuzzled the glass gently against the man’s neck. “Good view though…”  
  
“Did I get you naked in the end?” John smirked, eyes flicking over the fogged yellow glass to find the artificial reflected glow the helmet created to track Kaidan’s eyes beneath.  
  
“Heh, no. You kept getting distracted and ran off to do something utterly hilarious. Each time you’d take my shirt off and start on my pants, then you’d lose focus and I’d dress myself again. You got so confused when my clothes kept _reappearing_.” The Major muttered and then turned his attention to Tali as she came over with the shake she’d made.  
  
“Here you are, Kaidan. I call it the … Biotic boost!” She placed the large tumbler of brown slosh in front of the Major and stirred it a little with the straw. “Excuse the colour, it tastes better than it looks. I put one of _your_ biotibars in there in place of a protein bar.”  
  
“Thanks, Tali. I should fall into a coma more often. I’ve never seen you guys so…”  
  
“Relieved?” Liara smiled.  
  
“Yeah…” Kaidan paused, before flicking the induction port on his helmet open and inserting the straw. There was a tentative sip, before Kaidan made a noise between a moan and an exhale and started to gulp the contents of the large tumbler down.  
  
“Easy, easy!” Shepard laughed and pinched the straw to stop the Major’s heavy drinking. “You haven’t digested anything for a few weeks, you have to take your time with it – Damn it, Kaidan, stop sucking it so hard, it’ll go straight down your throat!”  
  
The Major pulled off the straw with a loud snort and turned away as he began to choke, giggle and try to respond all at the same time. Joker almost suffocated as he tried to swallow his coffee, then cried with laughter once he’d forced the hot coffee down with a bit too much air.  
  
“Wise choice of words there, _Loco_ …” James snickered.  
  
“ _Can’t breathe!_ ” Joker almost screamed from where he and Kaidan had deteriorated into a pair of giggling children. Shepard stared at the shake for a second, playing back the words in his head.  
  
“Oh God, you two need to grow up.” He sighed, but smiled regardless because it was _so damn good_ to hear Kaidan laughing again.  
  
“ _Straight down his throat – sucking – Oh God my pancreas!”_ The Pilot whimpered as he slumped to the floor, bringing the Major who had tried to keep him on his seat with him until they were both a squealing pit of giggles, squirming on the floor like new born pups.  
  
Shepard just shook his head at them.

“Ooh.” Garrus took a deep breath in, then out and tried to compose himself. “Aha, shit, Shepard, it’s been a hoot, but I better get back to the guns.” The Turian stood and gently prodded both Joker and Kaidan with the tip of his ‘toes’. “Don’t you two have a ship to fly? Honestly, can’t get the workers nowadays.”  
  
“Oh, I’m still co-piloting?” Kaidan turned his face towards Joker, still breathless from Shepard’s hilarious verbal fuck up.  
  
“Well… yeah.” Joker slowly sat up and accepted the Major’s help as the man carefully wrapped his arms around the Pilot’s waist and gently hauled him onto his feet. “Thanks.” He smirked. “It was cool having you back in the seat next to me, not as good a view as EDI, but that was only because you were sitting down.” He wiggled his eyebrows and Kaidan gave a smirk back, playfully shoving the Pilot in the chest.  
  
“If you get tired, you can always hand your duties back to EDI, she won’t mind.”  
  
“That is correct.” The AI announced. “I can take control of your panel and disable it so then you can press any button you want, wiggle the control levers and role-play with noises made via the mouth like Joker does.”  
  
“Shut the fuck up.” James grinned.  
  
“Hey, you love it when I wiggle your control levers, EDI. Don’t you lie to me, babe.” Joker whispered as he turned and followed EDI’s body unit away from the mess hall. They continued their conversation, but Shepard had blocked it out by that point because Kaidan was standing next to him, facing away and that arse of his was _right the fuck there_ – eye level and everything.  
  
When the Major turned to sit back down, the yellow glow of his helmet-shielded eyes found Shepard’s crystal blue watching him below the waist. A heat tore through him so hard he almost fell into his chair rather than carefully lowered himself into it, his eyes not leaving Shepard’s.  
  
“You feeling OK..?” Shepard whispered as he carefully ran the back of his fingers over Kaidan’s helmet, then down the side of his neck. “Really..?”  
  
Kaidan glanced to the crew members still at the table around them, listening in, a part of the conversation when all Kaidan wanted was to have some privacy. He turned his attention back to his lover and gave a soft smile, popping the straw back into the induction port.  
  
 _No._  
  
Shepard sighed and laid his hand on the Major’s knee under the table, giving a soft squeeze before he was getting up to clear away the remaining food left out.  
  
  
                                                                            ***  
  
“I don’t know what’s more torture… Not being able to take my helmet off to kiss you, or not being able to take my helmet off at all.” Kaidan sighed as he stretched across Shepard’s body, still in his full enviro-suit. John shrugged and tucked his hands behind his head from where he lay sprawled out on the bed, his Alliance fatigues in a crumpled mess on the floor.  
  
“They’re the same thing aren’t they?” He mumbled.  
  
“I guess…” There was a silence and Shepard closed his eyes, just listening to the slightly muffled breathing of the Major laying on top of him. It was so smooth and steady, it reminded him that heavy breathing, coughing and gasping for air whilst running through battle weren’t the only forms of breathing, there was also this at the end of the day.  
  
And then not breathing at all…  
  
John opened his eyes at a small hissing sound that suddenly filled his ears. It wasn’t breathing, he knew that much. The bed shifted beneath him and his vision was filled with sight of his lover, unmasked and the remains of the helmet resting back on his shoulders like a hood. His hair was an unruly mess, but it looked too much like Kaidan had severe bed-head and Shepard found himself too smitten to say anything.  
  
“Hi…” Kaidan whispered, settling his weight on his hands and knees over the top of John.  
  
“Hi…” He replied and reached a hand up to touch the bare skin, the slightly-too-long, stubble-beard hybrid feeling rough against his palm, but still, he didn’t say anything about it.  
  
He didn’t move either. He wanted to kiss his lover into a panting, moaning, squirming mess and touch him roughly over the suit, but it was completely up to Kaidan if he wanted that too. It was up to him if he wanted to risk it.  
  
He didn’t have to wait long until the Major bent down and pushed his lips gently over his own. He closed his eyes tight against the bolt of pleasure that tore its way down to his crutch when Kaidan’s fingers linked into his own and held them against the bed.  
  
He watched in silence as Kaidan’s back curved and his hips rolled deep into his lap. He groaned into the kiss, his hands finding the firm flexi-plate of Kaidan’s buttocks and gave a firm squeeze and rub. The Major pushed back on those hands as his suited fingers travelled down the Commander’s chest, his lips opening around John’s and inviting moist flesh to touch his own.  
  
“Kaidan.” Shepard breathed into the kiss.  
  
“Mm..?” The biotic responded, his fingers wrapping around his lover’s prick and jerking it to full erection.  
  
“M’not having sex with you…” John whispered even as his hips bucked up into the touch.  
  
“I know. I’m doing this for you.” Kaidan smirked. “And who knows? I may even come in my suit if you’re as vocal as you usually are.”  
  
John chuckled breathlessly. His fingers ran over Kaidan’s arms to his shoulders and then to his cheeks where they held the biotic’s face still, rough with unshaven hair.  
  
“Mmm… Your beard is all soft.” Shepard grinned, brushing his nose over the exposed areas of Kaidan’s neck. “You look like a lumber jack.”  
  
“EDI said I looked too much like Joker, but luckily she had DNA identification scanners to tell us apart just in case she ‘ended up having sexual relations with the wrong bearded, feeble, judgemental, human male.’….” Kaidan paused, his hand halting its attention on John’s prick. “It kinda hurt hearing her call me that.”  
  
“What, feeble?”  
  
“No, _judgemental,_ I mean, I’m not judgemental, right?”  
  
John closed his mouth. He was _not_ going to touch that with a light-year long, biotic suppressing pole, especially when Kaidan had his hand around his dick.  
  
“I’m just still trying to imagine you sitting back and letting EDI mistake you for Joker.” He smiled. “I know you’re bisexual, but I also know you have morals, most of those lying with me.”

 

Kaidan sighed and rolled his eyes, not missing how Shepard had avoided answering his question at all. He leant forward and brushed his lips over John’s, then moved his lips to his neck again where they mouthed around a few tendons.  
  
“Mm… You’ll shave soon, right? Kind of having trouble here… keep thinking about Joker and EDI and how they even… _do anything_.”  
  
“Charming…”  
  
“No seriously, I think there’s such thing as an anti-erection where you’re so disgusted your body sucks your dick in.” Shepard began to chuckle, his fingers working into the unruly mess of Kaidan’s hair.  
  
“Stop talking.” The biotic groaned and continued jerking the Commander’s slightly wilted erection. “But, hey, if you ever wondered what having sex with Tali was like, this is it...”  
  
“God, why did you have to-” Shepard sucked in a sharp breath and shuddered violently. “Whoa, it’s been too long since we’ve done this…”

 

“Feels good, huh? Yeah…” Kaidan breathed steadily, swiping a thumb over the slit before digging in gently and smearing pre-come down the shaft. “I bet it does…”  
  
“Kaidan, I need you…”  
  
“How much..?”  
  
John squirmed, grinding his hips forward and trapping his moans in the back of his throat as he tried to speak again. Kaidan lifted his eyebrows, waiting for a reply, but only made it harder for John as he tightened his grip and brought his other hand down to fondle the man’s balls.  
  
“M-… more than air…” Shepard finally whispered, his hips rolling into the powerful grip around him. “I love you so much!” He choked and flushed as he came red hot over his belly, his essence dripping over Kaidan’s fingers. He gasped, writhed and clutched the sheets harder even as his erection began to fade.  
  
He’d lasted less than 3 minutes, but he didn’t give a damn. Just being with Kaidan, knowing he was his and that he actually wanted to touch his ex-Cerberus body, it made him feel amazing, it put him right on the verge of orgasm even before Kaidan got close to his dick. He had the stamina of an excited teenage virgin around the man, but he didn’t seem to care.  
  
“Oh? You don’t want to lick it off my fingers this time..?” Kaidan smirked, pulling back onto his haunches.  
  
“It’s a little too soon after breakfast, Kaidan…” John sighed, stretching out under the Major’s weight.  
  
“You amaze and disgust me all at the same time.”  
  
“I’m glad…” John opened his eyes to find Kaidan pulling tissues from the bedside table and wiping off his hands, before he was moving to clean the come from Shepard’s chest. He grinned, letting the Major do as he pleased as he lazed in the bed.  
  
“John…” Kaidan eventually whispered.  
  
“Mm?”  
  
“I want you to know…” John sat up, knowing it was serious when Kaidan used his first name. “I’m fit for duty, I want to serve with you – no, no- I _need_ to. Remember what I told you in the hospital, about how the future flashed for me, the children, the anguish, the suffering… the families lost..? Well, I still intend to change those things… I still intend to fight for every life, no matter what’s wrong with me or what I’m wearing to protect my body…”  
  
“I know…” John smiled.  
  
“Well, if you know that, then stop dumping me in the co-pilot’s seat and let me show you I’m still worth shit to this war.” Kaidan frowned. “I appreciate the care, the empathy, but I don’t want it. I want you to drag me off my ass, throw me into the firing line and let me show you what I can do even with an immune system crappier than a Turian swimming league.”  
  
“What..?”  
  
“You know what I mean.” Kaidan mumbled, shifting awkwardly to lie beside John and to pull him back onto the bed also. “Let me fight the way you let Tali fight.”  
  
“That’s different.” John sighed.  
  
“How? You care about her, we all care about her…. You know I can protect myself…”  
  
“Mars.” John grunted, raising an eyebrow to the Major laying against him. “Don’t make me tell you about how close I was to shooting you through the leg just to hit that bitch in the chest.”  
  
“You what..?”  
  
“I still think I should’ve done that instead, you know, before she beat you against the shuttle. A bit of medi-gel, tweezers to pull out the slug, bandages and a kiss on the forehead, you would’ve been right as rain.”  
  
Kaidan cringed visibly and then glanced to the bedside table – obviously confused by this point.  
  
“In other words, Kaidan, I know you can take care of yourself, but situations pop up that we can’t control or protect ourselves against… you know?” John shrugged. “I will worry about you no matter what, but if this is what you want, then I can’t stand in your way anymore than I can stand in Tali’s way. You and she both want to fight more than I’ve ever seen in any other soldiers.”  
  
“So let me fight.” Kaidan whispered, his thumbs brushing over John’s cheekbones. “I’m just a human version of Tali with a bit more bulk.” He grinned.  
  
“Alright, but you’ll need a complete assessment in the morning and a rehabilitation regime to restore the strength you’ve lost. Then, when I’m convinced of your ability to serve, you’ll be back taking on Spectre missions with me. We still have quite a bit of work to do on the Udina case.”  
  
“Yeah.” Kaidan stretched out across Shepard’s body and released a tired moan. “Yeah, I know… Give me your reports and I’ll finish them off for you tomorrow at some point. We’ll have to file this whole B.H.I.D virus as well, and I’ll have to get you to help me with that.”  
  
“I’ve already started it. Just… didn’t know if I could face finishing it given the chance you could have died any second.” John turned onto his side and wrapped his arms around the Major’s waist. “But, yeah, reports… we’ll get them done…”  
  
“I said I’d do them for you…”  
  
“I know. But, I’d rather work on them with you.”  
  
Kaidan felt soft lips brush against his ear, then settle against his shoulder. He closed his eyes, sliding his fingers over the buzz-cut on Shepard’s scalp, feeling every prickle through the Quarian nerve-simulation system in his suit. He draped a thigh over his lover’s hip and felt how he slid closer at the extra contact. He was still hard in his suit, which seemed to be all too common nowadays, but he ignored it in favour to wrap his arms around Shepard and hold him tight.  
  
“You should put your mask back on.”  
  
“Yeah, I’m starting to feel a little stuffy…” Kaidan reached behind him and fumbled for the mask before he was attaching it to his hood again. He squirmed back into place and wrapped his legs around John’s thighs.  
  
“You OK?”  
  
Kaidan opened his eyes and concentrated on the face before him for a minute. He smiled, though guessed Kaidan couldn’t actually see it, so brushed his fingers down Shepard’s neck gently instead.  
  
“After what I’ve been through, I’m gonna say yeah. Yeah, I’m OK.” He paused. “Are you OK?”  
  
“More than…” John whispered.  
  
“That’s good… really good…”  
  
Shepard looked over the yellow helmet, finding the faint glow of Kaidan’s eyes beneath it and swept his fingers over a mark on the glass, before he realised it was on the inside and most definitely a scratch.  
  
“I should really get up and tell the Admirals of your condition…”  
  
“Yeah, you should…” Kaidan sighed.  
  
“Like, right now…”  
  
“Definitely. No time like the present.”  
  
“It’s rude to keep them waiting… they’ve been worried.”  
  
“No doubt.”  
  
“No joke, they’ve been sending me message after message demanding your status.”  
  
John stared at the ceiling a while longer, feeling Kaidan’s hand gently running back and forth over his stomach, the muscles flinching beneath the skin.  
  
“…. You’re not going to get up, are you?”  
  
“Nope…”  
  
“I didn’t think so…”


End file.
